Moments

Calzona Review 12x19 "It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)"

We were not meant to be surprised. We knew it was coming. BTS pics of the courthouse were everywhere. But then this ep surprised me and left my heart bleeding.


In my mind, this episode presented a lot of parallels and juxtapositions. As if trying to impress in my mind: this is how Calzona could have been, but were not and are not.


Backtrack to Season 7 Africa talk


It was an all too familiar situation with Callie again being the girlfriend of someone who got a prized grant. Remember Arizona and the Carter Madison grant that brought her to Malawi? Yep. Same situation but this was to be for at least a year, not three years.


However similar the situation was, we saw how different the reactions and actions were.


Back then,  Callie was so much against Arizona's going to Malawi and leaving her and their fairly blooming relationship in Seattle. She had even shared then in season 7 that if she were given the same grant, she would not go. Because if we really know Calliope, she is an all-for-love woman. Her priorities ladder usually has love on the top rung.


Back then, the situation was, Arizona was dead set on the grant. She was all set to go. No consultations. She was all set to save lives in Malawi.


Callie did not miss out on letting her objections known with bits and pieces of  whining. She didn't want to be left behind for three years by the woman she loved. For Callie, love is THE priority. So it ended up with Callie impulsively deciding to fly to Africa with Arizona. She dropped everything and gave notice to the hospital the next day, about her sudden plans to exit and join her girlfriend in Africa.


Fast forward to present day. 

Penny's decision day for the grant was tomorrow. Penny told Callie that she wouldn't be accepting the grant without talking to Callie about it first. Yes it was a great opportunity for her career advancement but she needed to consult Callie. That's respect. She wanted to talk to her girlfriend about it first. Because she respects and loves Callie that much.


Callie was obviously touched by this gesture. She liked being asked first on such  career decisions that involved separation for a year. She liked the regard that Penny had for her. But she did wait to be asked.


Of course, Penny, who seems to be sensible enough, did not attempt to even ask Callie to go with her. She was not presumptuous enough that Callie would drop her job, be separated from her kid, only to go with her to New York.


Callie responded back lovingly.


She was all about the "moments" missed. She was being a sugar-coated romantic all of episode 19.


That Penny missed the "moment" to ask her if she wanted to go to New York with her, "It would have been nice to have been asked"


Where Callie had feigned enthusiasm when she decided to go to Malawi with Arizona and was already "ruining" the Malawi trip by her pretend eagerness, the situation with Penny was different. Callie was all supportive and even had told Penny how this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and she wouldn't be one to stop her girlfriend from career advancement.


Remember when Arizona met Callie at the supply closet and showed her the trinkets that her patients gave her for her trip? Callie did not hide her sarcasm and her hesitation about Africa was just plain transparent.


In contrast, Penny and Callie were inside the same supply closet when Callie told Penny about missing the "moment". 'It would have been nice to have been asked."


Penny of course was overwhelmed by this unexpected gesture from Callie and said these loving words: "you are the most adorable woman i have seen right now"


And it ended up being a sweet loving kissing scene. I didn't bother counting the seconds but the kisses were all too sweet and lingering. Something we had not seen Calzona do in a very long time.....


And in the middle of this intimate moment, as if to give us a shattering slap on the face, who else would come into the closet looking for a  suture kit, but Arizona, the ex- wife.


Callie was too embarrassed as she was caught by her ex-wife kissing her new girlfriend. As for me, i was looking for a trace. Any minute trace that Arizona was bothered or even hurt or jealous upon seeing this. But nope. Arizona was okay. She took it in stride. She and Callie were even laughing about it as if it were a simple laughing matter.

From this i could presume that Arizona had completely moved on. Gone were the days when she was initially bothered or maybe a little jealous when Callie had dates. The adjustment stage is over. She had already dipped her toes in the dating pool and she had truly moved on.


I'm not a Penny-Callie shipper but i am a hopeless romantic and who would not be carried away by the loving display of affection that these two had at the supply closet? Hurts to think, this is a scene I've long wanted Callie and Arizona to have. Hurts to think how ironic it was that Callie and Arizona were in that same supply closet, talking about a similar grant that involves relocation, but it was a scene that was not at all sweet. Callie was sarcasm-filled and obviously not agreeable to the trip to Africa.


With Penny, she was loving, sweet, and concerned for her career advancement.


The difference is palpable.


Funny how Shonda gave us a girlfriend of Callie's who is not easy to hate. Someone who is not annoying. In fact, she is a pleasant kind of character. And she loves Callie so much and is touched by Callie's sweetness. We know for sure how Callie can be  expressive of love and she does drop everything for love.


Aside from the fact that it was cute to see Callie confide in Arizona, funny too that it seems Arizona was key in giving Callie the final push to make her decision to move to New York with Penny.


Arizona: That doesn't mean that it has to be over. Long distance relationships are not impossible.


Callie: Yeah i don't know if we can survive long distance. I'm so afraid that it'll all fall apart.


Little did she know that by giving support to Callie such as telling her to "decide you want it to work and make it happen", that Callie would take it a bit too far.


They ended this repartee with Arizona calling Callie aside and suggested next time about doing their thing in an on call room or a lock on the door. It was so refreshing seeing them chuckle with one another. In just those three seconds of chuckles, there was so much chemistry between these two. I had to repeat watching that scene because it is such a joy seeing them laugh with each other, even if it was about Callie's sex with another person.


The grant was a once in a lifetime opportunity. It didn't really cross Penny's mind to invite Callie. Maybe she guessed it was too much to expect Callie to drop everything, fly to New York with her and settle there for at least a year. Callie's profession would be paused or altered and Penny wasn't selfish. She was going to be sad without Callie but she isn't selfish.


However, Callie was clearly disappointed that Penny didn't even ask her to go with her. Penny was also thinking of Callie. This same girl who initially did not want Penny to meet her child yet, it was unlikely that she would even go with her to New York.


But she was wrong about Calliope.


In the new scene at the aftermath of lovemaking, a  scene of Penny and Callie that was too intimate for words, I wanted to cover my ears when i heard Penny compliment Callie's skills, and how they did "teamwork".


Calzona was rarely that intimate.


I must say that this love scene aftermath was one of the most intimate and loving ones. It is hard not to be touched when your heart is carried away by the love that these two characters share.


And then the Callie "moment talk" came up again. Callie , in the heat of the moment, asked Penny to ask her to come to New York with her because it seemed at that moment, she would do anything for Penny and would go anywhere for Penny.


Penny had her own expectations: "You never asked me to stay"


But Callie loved her too much to ask her to stay.


"This is the beginning of a whole new adventure for you. I can never ask you to give that up. I love you too much."


Penny summarized the highly charged emotional moment, "I love you and you love me. And now i need to go all across the country to save lives, which sounds noble like in some movie...actually, It just really sucks"


Such was the love being shown on screen between these two, which i wish Calzona had for each other.


Penny had tears. She was too touched by all this display of love. And i was too. I was seeing again, after a long time, the immense capability for love of one Callie Torres.


It just breaks my heart endlessly that the object of this great love right now, was not Arizona.


In that moment, Callie had made a decision. Spurred by love, maybe even by the romance that had just transpired, Callie was all 'to hell with everything. Im going all in for love.'


Expected from our Callie Torres. A true hopeless romantic. A poster child for romance. (Makes me wonder though if she truly is doing this because she loves Penny for Penny or if she is just in love with the feeling of being in love. Or maybe she is just in love with love itself.)


Alas, she might have forgotten, in all this romantic frenzy, that she has a child. And she shares that child with her once'-wife.


And relocating, putting her career and life on hold for the love of her life, was her next step.


"Ask me, go ahead ask me."  Her mind was set.

 
Even if Arizona seemed to have given Callie the final push to decide to go with Penny, what Arizona didn't expect was that Callie had included in her plans, taking Sofia with her to New York. Something Arizona didn't expect.


When Callie spoke to Arizona about the grant, not even considering how Arizona will feel, and just assuming that it's okay with Arizona to just be the visiting mom, dropping by for Sofia every weekend as it was "only a 6 hour trip", it all felt presumptuous.


I understand Callie's heart-over-mind attitude. She'll go all out for love. She drops everything for love, as we have seen her when her girlfriends need to relocate, that she's willing to go with them wherever they go. But maybe, just maybe, she may even be more in love with the idea of love.


If we remember right, just a few episodes ago, Penny told her "i love you" yet she did not say it back. She was not ready for Sofia to know Penny.


Seeing her reactions as she had her sweet convos with Penny in this episode, it seems she was tickled pink by the sweetness and romanticism of the moment. And this may have  led her to decide to relocate, failing to consider that this will reduce time and space between Sofia and her other mother.


In the scene where we saw Sofia running to meet Callie and Penny, I felt for Arizona.


I could feel her fear, her impending loneliness, i could feel her heart ache. She had already lost her wife, her life partner, and now she was going to be separated from the daughter that she loves?  Without any consultation?


Bad enough that she had no partner, she seems to be over that, but upon learning that Callie was seriously considering leaving  Seattle to be with Penny and taking Sofia with her, that was too much for her to take.


And as if this episode had not had enough of hurting us, after seeing Japril's talks with their respective lawyers about a child custody face-off, this unexpected scene unraveled:


April's lawyer was talking about how a custody battle will be hard. That "you loved this person once. There's a child involved. The one thing that all custody battles have in common is that they are always a battle. No matter what, even if you win, you will still feel like you lost something. So are you sure this is a battle you want to fight?"


And then we discover that nope, the lawyer wasn't talking to April. And then my heart was smashed to smithereens with Arizona's words:


"My ex-wife wants to move across the country and take our daughter, so, yeah."


Suddenly, all the happy Calzona moments, the laughing, fun moments are going to be reduced to an ugly custody battle drama? The progress that they have reached, being friendly co-parents to Sofia and even sometimes-love-confidantes, all that is going to be smashed to bits because of this relocation thing?


Whatever happened to our hopes of reconciliation? That trust in the journey? A custody battle, minus the bts pics, was never one that we would have expected from our most beloved couple.


Seems like Greys Anatomy wanted to hurt us. And this episode truly did. Bulls eye.

This episode had all elements to seriously injure an avid Calzona fan's heart. Shonda is hurting us.


All the parallels, of how this relationship with Penny seemed to be a tad more intimate; the lingering sweet scenes, the issue with the grant and how Callie's present attitude about it was way different back then, of how well they were able to work it out and even professed real love to each other, vis a vis memories of how Arizona's Africa trip spurred Callie's whiny sarcasm and how she ruined it for her and eventually led to their break up.


It hurt.


For the faint Calzona heart, this could mean hope seems distant. Not only is Callie professing love to her girlfriend, she is even willing to drop everything and did not even consider Arizona's sentiments about it.


But she did say they were going to talk about it and that is what they should do.


Arizona was quick to jump the gun, checking on the possibilities and getting ready for a custody battle. We should never discount the fact that Arizona has treated Sofia as her very own daughter since birth. She has told Callie " She calls me Mama....I'm her Mama". It is a very sensitive and valuable topic for Arizona and it was never really a factor in the Calzona story, about  who was the birth mother. Sofia is equally the daughter of both Callie and Arizona and since it was never really clear if they ever got the adoption papers finalized, it was never a question of who was more of a mother to Sofia.


So the assumption of Callie in that scene, that she will be taking Sof with her without consulting Arizona was a bit off. But we cannot judge Callie for being inconsiderate. It may be an impulsive decision on her part, propelled by love emotion, but she did say they will talk about it so let us wait and see what will come out of their talk.


As we saw in the new sneak peek, the awaited dialogue happened and we cannot take sides. Both are rightful parents. They need to listen to one another and work it out. Because the only one who can lose much here, is Sofia.


These are very dim days for Calzona. I did not expect that their separation will stretch for all of S12. But with 5 episodes to go, i am wont to think that they may be part of the finale cliffhanger.


Being a Calzona fan takes faith. Lots of faith. And strength. And trust in love.


These are truly dark days but that flicker of hope remains. The faith in this lost love, waiting to be found again, must be kept alive.


This journey is the hardest ever yet, but i equate the word Trust to Shonda Rhimes. So i remain trusting.


We root for Calzona and so does Shonda. She said so.


I'm staying on this journey and trusting it as we see this show through Season 13, where i hope that the reconciliation happens, finally.


Most beautiful things are not achieved easily.


So in this struggle, always remember that the most beautiful things come from the darkest of times.


Keep the faith.


Always Calzona Strong.


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