She Wore the Red Dress

Calzona Review  Episode 10x03  Everybody’s Crying Mercy

Don’t know why I find this to be the most heartbreaking episode for Calzona. Even worse than 10x02.

Let me try to analyze why. 

Callie is still at MerDer’s and has offered to take Zola and Sofia to hospital daycare, as Derek and Mer  (whose incision wound is still fresh) are both exhausted from  new baby Bailey duties.

As Derek gratefully hands over the two babes to Callie , he calls Callie a goddess to which  Callie replies “and my W-I-F-E still sleeps around." A big ouch for Arizona , still being mocked behind her back among their common friends, but we can't blame Callie. She has every right to be angry.

Camera cuts to Arizona trying to choose what to wear for the day, the blue or the red dress, finally deciding on the red outfit. May I just say Arizona looks really cute as she does this in front of the mirror. Must be the new haircut. Yes! Jessica had a summer haircut so Arizona had one, too! (Unless she'll wear hair extensions all-season long)

Back at Merder's, Derek sees Callie and the kids off  and portent of things to come, as Derek sheepishly dreads the thought of Callie leaving: “What are we gonna do when she repairs her marriage?”  Mer replies, “i think we're ways off from that” 

Oops! What was that again, Mer? My mind was racing. Why did Mer say that? Did I just hear her say that? My heart was slowly peeling off a layer. It was obvious to her, this issue was not an unserious one. Definitely not a short one.

Next scene, Arizona does the walk with Cristina toward the dilapidated ruins where Owen stands. Arizona gets so tense when Cristina notices her haircut. She said she wanted to look nice. 

Blame it on Owen to touch a raw nerve when in the trio's discussion of how the board must move to repair the ruins, he refers to Callie and Arizona who cannot stay in the same room. Arizona didn't take this nicely, obviously  very touchy about the subject, revealing her tension and anxiety all the more. She walked away saying she had a patient.

Meanwhile, Callie was being badass at the E.R. She was short tempered, and that’s an understatement.

April and Leah, who were working with her on a patient, bore the brunt of Callie’s bad mood.  To add to this, Arizona interrupts the tension in the room, reminding Callie about their scheduled couple’s therapy that evening. 

Arizona asked Callie with such caution and a very soft voice, noticeably with all humility she had reserved for Callie ever since Callie outed her cheating adventure. Again, her voice was so cute.

AZ: "I'll see you tonight?" 

Callie: "I don't think it's a good idea", 

AZ: "But we agreed to couple's therapy"

Right from seeing Arizona at the door, Callie  turned her gaze downward, didn’t even look at Arizona and answered her gruffly, “we agreed to many things.” Unmindful of the fact that April and Leah were just in between them. She didn’t care to sarcastically shoot down what Arizona was saying. Nonetheless, Arizona retained her humility and patience, and told Callie she’d be there.

Even Chief of Surgery  Owen, was not spared from Callie’s temper.  He was rescheduling surgeries that day, and Callie  did not like that this was happening. Judging from how she raised her voice at Owen when demanding to know "Why??!" , you will know that her anger from the cheating has turned into a “blast everyone you see” attitude.

Sarcastic to anyone, short tempered to everyone.

Then when April and Leah  who had  a crucial surgery mistake moment, Callie’s temper shot up. Dashing to the O.R. she would have to ride the jam packed elevator. Nope, she did not wait for the next elevator nor choose the stairs. She asked everyone to get out of the elevator. Yes, everyone OUT. Ever badass. 

She actually ordered  total strangers inside that elevator to get out, strangers who were puzzled and surprised at why  this surgeon was frantically directing them to leave the elevator.

Yes, she got the elevator all to herself, even refusing to let in a new passenger. She just had enough time to put on her scrub cap, which so reminds me of  superman changing to his super costume in a telephone booth. She went out of that elevator as Super Callie in her scrub cap.

 Leah had told Callie  earlier that the patient requested Leah to tell her husband  that if she dies, to tell him she cheated on him with his brother.  (Cheating again. Seems Shonda is habitually infusing her shows with this morality plague.)

Callie told Lea to make sure she tells the husband about this. She knew how it is to be cheated on, she thinks the husband deserves the truth. Maybe that’s what she felt offhand. Being cheated on is a terrible thing. A faithful guy deserves to know, besides, that’s what the patient requested.

When the patient did die, however, Callie had a sudden change of heart.  She cut off Leah who was about to tell the husband about the patient’s admitted infidelity. With this onsite lightning decision, it seemed Callie had an epiphany of preferring to have good memories of a departed loved one, rather than uselessly divulging her wrongs.

The person had already left this world, what is the use of giving the husband more heartache when losing his wife is painful enough as it is. That secret will have to die with the patient, rather than risk having the husband know of the terrible truth which he will never live down, and to make matters worse, his wife is dead.

Callie chose the better path. Even with her anger, her bad mood, her heart was still Calliope’s heart. The forgiving, understanding and compassionate Calliope Iphigenia Torres was still inside of her, beyond her current emotion-driven ‘lady of steel’ demeanor.

The same Callie who even though obviously agonizing over the cheating, has consulted  Owen and Cristina on the merits of couple’s therapy  (though in a no-holds-barred way).

Even if deeply wounded from betrayal, still showed up at  the therapist’s waiting room and still talked to Arizona. She could have easily ditched Arizona, but no. She showed up. And respected Arizona enough to tell her her thoughts.

This is what made me love Callie all the more. Even in the midst of anger, pain, she is still the kindhearted Callie we know.  She is still the Callie that loves her wife Arizona. 

The situation though, is a mess, and even if she does love Arizona, as evident in how she delivered her message to Arizona, that she cant go with her to that room, she was not person enough to stand and hear again of how Arizona screwed that woman.

She said she had pictured it over and over again how Arizona screwed Whoren, and I could not handle the pain in her face when she said that. Camera cut to Arizona who had guilt written all over her face, mixed with anxiety that this is not going the way it should.

She really wanted to have that talk. She thinks it’s the best solution. She thinks that if she and Callie talk this over, the one mistake will cease to be a mistake. She was so happy when Callie showed up. She had a new haircut and put on a stunning red dress coz she was meeting up with Callie that night. She was dead serious about making amends and making it all work again.  

Maybe , just maybe the haircut and red dress will do wonders and convince Callie to cooperate in fixing this.

But when Callie arrived with her message, Arizona's emotions  went on a downward spiral,  hanging on for dear life. Her heart  was slowly falling, the chances of her and Callie fixing this was getting dimmer by the second.

It was heartbreaking to see the expressions on both their faces. If it weren't a TV show, I would have thought it was real. And the cool  John Legend song did not help in preventing my heart from  breaking into a million tiny pieces.

Pain was etched on Callie’s face. Arizona looked like she had a lump in her throat and was choking back  tears. 

It seemed she could not breathe when Callie told her that she should go to the therapist ..alone..without her.

Arizona's high hopes had been dashed. Helpless on how she could salvage the situation, she reasoned with Callie in her most humble, forlorn pleading voice that she really needs to talk and that she really wanted Callie to do this.

But for now, Callie looked like she did not have the capability to be strong enough to try and help Arizona  fix this. She still loves her wife, in spite of the betrayal. If that look on her face isn’t love, I don’t know what is. But she used her principle, she let her mind do the talking.

She knew that if she gave in, as she surely gave notice to the red dress, which she very well knew, (she knew Arizona well), that she wore it for her. That she really meant business in trying to mend all that was broken.

Much as it hurt, Callie chose to be practical. She sensed that there might be something wrong with their marriage and this was not a mistake that Arizona made. Maybe Arizona was not happy. Or maybe she did not love Callie as they both thought they did.

Callie indirectly admitted that she was happy, but said Az was not, because she cheated, saying “we have sex with other people”

She still could not erase that from her mind, it kept cropping up in that dialogue. The pain was too much for her, she knew in her heart that though she loved Arizona, fixing it was not for her right now. She was too broken by the betrayal. Seemed like she lacked the strength to agree to fix anything .

I don’t think Callie had any inkling yet,  that Arizona has PTSD. I think only we and Shonda know that. All she was thinking of, is that Arizona should go to the therapist, to realize why she did that hurtful thing, and to assess herself if she is happy in this marriage.

Betrayal is not a minor issue for couples, most especially married couples. It is a clear statement that you do not honor your vows, your commitment; that you disregard what you promised to do for the person you love most in your life.  It directly throws out as garbage, the promise to love and cherish a person till death. I assume that is all that is in Callie’s mind right now.

She wants Arizona to fix herself, and know for herself why she cheated. Why betray? Because for Callie, right now, she feels that Arizona might not have been happy in their marriage. And that’s a pain that Callie bears until the minute she walked out of that waiting room.

Seeing Callie walk out of the room, Arizona  looked like she  was hit with a ton of bricks . She did not expect it, and it fell hard on her. Her  hopes of fixing this were shattered.  And what was Callie saying that she should go to the therapist? She did not get that at all.  She immediately said no.

That was not the plan. All thoughts  she had were to fix this. She overlooked the part that Callie had gone through her own rationalizations on this, and Callie may have her own way of coping, and has made her own decisions about the issue.

She got blindsided. Did not see it coming. That Callie had to heal too. That she wounded Callie enough for her not to agree to cooperate in therapy. 

It was like Callie saying, “I was happy in our marriage, I did not cheat, I did not have any problem with our marriage. You hurt me by cheating me. Why do I have to go to therapy with you. It’s you who was not happy,  It was you who cheated, why not  go to the therapist and see what it is that you can be happy about.  If that includes me or not in your life, for now, I do not need to know. I have my own healing to do. And I want to heal by myself. At least not with you.”

When Callie said she knew that Arizona wanted her to do this, when she said: “I know. You wore the red dress and everything” the pain on her face interspersed with the love that she was holding back because of all the pain. It was like saying, “I know you put much effort  into arranging this, I know you are really doing your best to try fix this, but right now, that is what you have to do, unfortunately, this is not what I have to do right now. I have my own path, and I guess that path does not include you, for now.”  

She was gentle to Arizona. To the point of nice. Respectful. She said it in the most loving, respectful way, and when  she could not hold back the tears, she had to walk away.

That was some emmy winning acting by both JCap and Sara, and I cannot even. 

It was the most INTENSE, it was SO SO REAL. These two are excellent actors, but this scene is the best scene of all for Calzona, acting-wise.

If only for these challenging, meaty scenes, I am in favor of these, even if they break my heart, as long as they will show us the brilliance of these two actors. I always tell myself, when I cannot handle the pain from scenes, that I should focus on the acting.  We wouldn't be having these intense reactions if it weren't for these super talented actors who have brought these characters to life.

Wherever this goes, my Calzona heart is not beating right now . It is ripped to shreds. That looked like an ended relationship right there. With Arizona feeling the bolt of hurt pierce through her heart. She was shocked and pained that Callie was walking away and had walked away.

 And right there, Arizona, in that moment, as Callie gave her a wounded, loving, pained faint smile, as if to say “I love you but I have to go, you have to help yourself, sort out yourself without me,” and turned to go, the painful reality of truth hit Arizona. For now, it was the end.

I guess this is the reason why I found this to be the most heartbreaking episode for Calzona. Because it seems to signify that they have broken up. That even if they are left to heal, Callie chose not to heal together.

Wherever this goes, I remain with my most fervent dream that they will be back together after all this. No matter how impossible it seems right now. 

It is all a mess. A lot of healing must be done. Healing apart. And hopefully after processing everything,  both of them will be whole again. 

And when they are whole,  if they still love each other and still want to be together, then maybe…just maybe…they can get back with a stronger love…in time.

How this will happen, I don’t know  and do not have an idea. 

Only Shonda knows. And when she knows, she knows.



Twitter: @GAFan8