Some Things Just Can't Be Fixed

Calzona Review 11x05 Bend and Break

They broke up.

I’m not speechless. I’m okay.

 My Calzona heart is not broken.  It had disintegrated.

Shondaland mirrors reality through Grey’s Anatomy.

It explores modern relationships, the resident problems involved.

This episode was realistic  as it was painful. Painful. And that  is an understatement.

Who ever promised that anything was going to be perfect?

All Shonda said in her tweet right before the ep was that it was going to be okay. But she didn’t say when. So much as I wanted to float happily in my rainbow coated bubble, I knew I could not  expect  it to be all roses and hearts. And true enough, this episode brings us back down to the cold hard earth.

Backtrack to  Season 10,  the Calzona story had been rough after the cheating. It was in 10x09 that things started to be okay. We waited nine episodes before things started to look up for them. Then things gradually smoothened out toward the end of the season. Remember, they ended happily, even if they had been baby-challenged. And just recently, they were deciding on  surrogacy .

We are inhabitants of Shonda’s land and it is  a roller coaster ride, and this stage is  the bottomest part of this rough ride.

Twitter has been grieving.  My timeline has been drowning in twittears.

Things had been smooth sailing for them, but in episode 2, we noticed a tension build up and  it reached breaking  point in this fifth episode.  Remember, in that episode, they were planning on surrogacy, then Arizona had taken on a fellowship that raised Callie’s eyebrows, but she still gave in but had been doubtful already of her wife’s willingness to go on with it. Callie had her veterans project to be busy with too, thus, paving the way for questionable scheduling, unmet expectations, doubts  and disappointment to set in.     

The disagreeable scenario led to spewing frustrated remarks from Callie when they visited the Surrogacy agency, which even led to Arizona stepping back on peds surgery to keep their marriage from falling apart. This signaled their awareness, that they were treading on dangerous ground, prompting them to finally go to therapy, something we have all wondered about ever since they had problems in their marriage.

And we know, Callie had been resistant to therapy and we see that in the first scene.

So a 30-day break was the most she could bear.

 It was  make or break , and they broke up.  

 I’m sure we don’t want to relive the moments but since I like to suffer sometimes,  let me relive it just this once during this micro hiatus.

One thing really really nice about the episode was the joint voice over by Callie and Arizona. Digging from my amnesia-filled  Grey’s memory bank,  the voice-over duet  by a couple from the show, is a first.

Arizona makes her debut in the voice over department. For six seasons, We longed to hear that timbre, that Arizona enunciation in the voice over so much …

“Uncontrollable bleeding. Acidosis. Cold. We all know what the combination means. We call it the triad of death. The point  of no return..”

The voice-over itself already offered a sense of foreboding. But of course, my selective brain shoved it off.

The visuals of imminent death were gory and scary. But the painful part was, the flashbacks of sad moments between them that signified endings.

And the voice over faded out with a visual of the elevator door closing when Arizona and Callie revealed she was pregnant with  Mark’s baby.

They Went to Therapy  [Therapy scene 1]

An argument greets us. Their voices were raised and the tension was unbearable for every frail-hearted Calzona fan.  

Callie: We’ve been talking about having another baby for months. We were excited, we were discussing freaking names. Why would you do that? Just to get my hopes up?

Arizona: You’re attacking me for something that I never even said.

Callie: You don’t have to say anything. It’s clear from everything  that you do that you don’t want this. Why start training all over again. You're an amazing pediatric surgeon, People cross the country just to have you operate on them.

Arizona: For the last time, this fellowship is advancing my career.

Callie: Which is not advancing this family!

V.O.:“It’s the moment in the O.R. when  you turn to damage control. You stop, you step back, let the body rest and see if you can find a solution to the chaos that’s happening inside. “

Arizona in the O.R.

Cut to the scene with Arizona in the O.R with Dr Herman.

They successfully delivered a baby but were still hard at work on surgery, attending to the mother’s placenta. Arizona’s attention was still divided as she  asked Alex about the baby’s stats. She was cut off by her superior

Dr Herman: Robbins, the baby is no longer your patient. Pay attention here.

Cut to another  flashback :  season 6 Arizona and Callie in bed, when Arizona didn’t want a baby and Callie was sorrowfully trying to make peace with Arizona and accepting they won’t be having a baby.

“I Love You When…”    [Therapy Scene 2]

Then back at the therapist’s office, Arizona was to say what she loved abut Callie and her words were just music to my ears. It was so precious to hear :

Arizona: I love when you talk to a patient and it’s like they’re the only person in the whole world.

I love you bite your lip, just a teeny tiny bit, when you study scans and I find it really sexy.

I love when you do the voices when you read to Sofia at night and make her laugh, and I could listen to that sound, all day, for the rest of my life.

And you smile, when you sleep, like big crazy big, and I love that when  I wake up that’s the first thing I see.    And I love

Callie: See, why don’t you just …God. Well if you say this stuff out loud once in a while,

Callie was in tears. She wanted to hear those beautiful words about how Arizona had seen her, why did it have to be in a therapist’s office. She would have loved to hear all that in a normal daily situation.

Then Arizona’s reply supplied  tension …

Arizona: I would. if you let me..

Callie: Wait, What?

Arizona: I was just saying, like right now but you cut me off, too busy trying to speak for me. I feel that you’re always cutting me..

Callie: Well I  feel that you’re constantly accusing me of this

Arizona: I feel…you did that again, she just did it again!

Therapist: Let’s try again

Relationship Deterioration at Work

Cut to a scene when Callie and Arizona are both at the OR

A bit of the conversation went this way:

Arizona : When you quickly disregard my medical opinion it makes me feel that you forget that I’m a pediatric surgeon who knows …

Callie: Well when you question me in the O.R . it makes me feel that you don’t think I can do my job.

Even the workplace was not exempt from their arguments rooted in these misunderstandings, misconceptions. They were becoming two different people and their colleagues had been noticing this too.

The Issues  [Therapy Scene 3]

Arizona: It’s not about the leg. It goes way before the leg. Four years ago, I received a grant of a lifetime. Going to Africa working in that clinic, that was an opportunity that I never thought that I would get.

Callie: You followed your dream, you went

Arizona: But you were supposed to go with me, and you were miserable. And letting everyone know, and so I went. I went without you and then I came back. For you. I came back, for you, And when I came back, you were…

Callie: Pregnant?  ….I'm bisexual , I’m attracted to both men and women.  And it freaks her out. Yes I slept with Mark, I got pregnant, I was pregnant.  And?

Arizona: And I had no time to process it. I was so in love with you. I just wanted to be with you no matter what. And if in order to be with you,

Callie: If you’re about to say what I think you’re about to say

Arizona: Let me get a word in, Callie!

Callie: I trapped you into a kid, a kid you never wanted and now, you're stuck.

Arizona: Don’t. You.  Ever say that I don’t love my child , that I regret my child , I regret that you made a decision for me, you make all the choices, and every time that I try to make a decision for myself you make me feel like the worst , most selfish person in the whole world!
'

Callie: I’m sorry did I make you feel selfish when you decided to sleep  with another woman? I’m sorry

Arizona: That’s not what I meant. And you know that’s not what I meant. I meant that any time I try and do something for myself , you, …

But Callie was ready to go even if the session wasn’t done

Therapist: Callie the session’s not done yet

Callie: Feels pretty done

(The talk about the cheating was still a very sensitive issue as we see Callie’s reaction. She could not discuss further after that taboo topic.)

So here we see Calzona seeming to trade gunfire. They were spitting out their hidden resentments. Those which we thought were solved and absolved, they were still keeping inside.

But remember,  this is what we wanted them to do. Spill out all that had to be said. So we discover that Arizona’s issues started as far back as Africa. We assumed since they all got along that time, eventually, we assumed it was already a non-issue, but no.

It was also swept under the rug—Arizona’s hang-up about Callie’s bisexuality,  Callie’s doubts about  Arizona’s love for Sofia, that she may have not wanted Sofia, Arizona  feeling that Callie always makes the decisions for her,  Callie making her feel  selfish when she makes decisions, and  Callie’s still unhealed pain about Arizona’s infidelity.

All that they said clearly shows that they have too much baggage. It is a good development that they were being truthful about it. But in essence, they may have forgiven, but have not forgotten.

Callie, as the initiator of fixing everything, just went on tirelessly trying to fix her wife and fix the marriage, and did not realize that all this fixing was taking its toll on her.

And no matter how hard she tried to fix it, since after her dad talked to her in 10x09, things were  still just not in the right place.  Remnants of past hurts had been resurfacing, Callie’s endless giving had reached saturation point.

She is human. She cannot just keep giving and giving, because as it seems, it had already consumed her. Her expectations after all the giving and forgiving are blatantly unmet and the situation has turned worse.

We were happy to see them in 10x15 being all so happy and professing love to one another, but they had achieved that state by still not really communicating everything. Even though that happiness in Season 10 was worth rejoicing about, even until that time they were planning for a baby, we went along with their happiness even if we knew they still had not talked about everything.

They never even considered therapy, maybe because Callie felt she can still fix it, and they did not need help from a therapist then.

But now that the conflicts have not ceased, after all they’ve been through, it was high time they went to one.

She Kept Giving

Callie is in a scene with Owen and Jackson. Callie’s temper was off the roof.

Callie: No. It’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.

Jackson: That is not stupid.

Callie: Talking about spending a large portion of my grant money on a complicated staged facial reconstruction for one patient.

Jackson:  So what? You wanna just reject him?

Callie: No! We find a way to help him that’s less stupid!

So Jackson marches off and Owen offers a listening ear to his friend Callie.  Remember that Owen was aware that Callie was having trouble in 10x03 and even comforted Callie during a very weak moment

Owen: What’s going on?

Callie: It’s just that I keep giving and giving and giving

There she said it, something we  suspected all along. Callie reached breaking point. Seemed  she was already drained.  There is such a thing as giving that makes us full, but this kind of giving that she had done over time had consumed Callie. And the giving well had run dry.

Unmet Expectations [Therapy Scene 4]

Arizona: You’re giving me things I didn’t ask for

Callie: That is not true. All I’ve done is everything you’ve asked me to do. You asked me not to leave you after the plane crash, I didn’t. You wanted me to stay after you cheated on me, I did. Then you wanted a house, we got it. I do everything for you Arizona, because I love you!

Arizona: I love you too!

Flashbacks of happy moments --wedding, wheelies scene in 10x15

Callie: Well now we’re here because I want something and you won’t give it to me

Arizona: I never said that I didn’t want a baby. The whole reason that we’re here is because of you and what you want! I am trying to give you what you want but you make it so hard

Flashbacks of  Callie waking up from  a coma, season 5 kissing

Callie: Why can’t you commit to anything?

Flashback of them in bed eating pizza, and their first scene in the bathroom

 Arizona: I committed the past five years of my life to you

Therapist: We’re not getting anywhere. We’ve circled to right back where we started.

It was cute that Callie sat closer to Arizona as they both conversed with the therapist

Therapist : It may be time to hit the reset button

Arizona: Great. Lets reset. How?

Therapist: Have you ever spent some time apart? Because a break can actually

Callie: You mean a separation? No , we’re trying to save our marriage, not destroy it. I don’t wanna do that

Arizona: Let her finish

Therapist: Don’t  think of it as a separation . You two have gone through so much. You’re completely different people than when you first got together. It can be helpful to rediscover who you are. Take a break from one another.

Callie: Break, separation, it’s the same thing. It’s the first step to divorce.

Arizona: Just let her finish

Therapist: In my experience, couples come to therapy for one of two reasons . Either one person wants out of the relationship and need help telling the other, or they both desperately want to make it work. They want to fight to make it work.

In this scene with their expressions, it seemed Arizona wanted out of the marriage. That’s just how she looked. And that is just my opinion. 

Callie: Well we wanna make it work, right?

Arizona: Right, right

(Callie frowned at Arizona who seemed hesitant to answer positively to that question. This leads me to question: was  Arizona not  too keen on working on it? But on second thought, better sense told me she was just taking the therapist’s suggestions to heart. Maybe she wanted so badly to fix the marriage, or she was considering the therapist’s suggested strategy)

Therapist: And a break is not an end. A break is a tool, to help make it work, for an agreed upon time, and then we come together and reevaluate the relationship.

Callie: No I don’t like it. I don’t…No. I think it’s crazy, I’m sorry I do. I mean we’re supposed to get closer so what we need more space? We need more time together, not apart, that’s how you make things work, right? No break, right?

Arizona: I think we should take a break. How long will the break last?

Therapist: As long as you want. You decide that now.

And Callie didn’t like it at all

Arizona: Okay, um, 30 days?

Callie: 30 days, a month? You need a break from me for a whole month?

Arizona: Callie,  I’m trying to be nice. I don’t even think that that’d be enough. I thought you’d go for it. Maybe three months,  six months.

Callie: Oh my God, six months?

Arizona: I’m  trying to be honest. I want to save us but the only way that I know how to do this is by being honest.

Callie: This is like a  joke. Or a reality show. Like the  Real Lesbian Housewives  MD of Seattle.  Fine, thirty days. How does it work?

Therapist: You have a child. So, for her sake,  you two will live in the house as parents. But with separate lives. Separate rooms. Boundaries are vital. Make a schedule for child care responsibilities and stick to it. No talking. No communication except in emergencies. Lastly, this is important, no intimacy, no sex. With other people, or with each other..

Callie’s Withdrawal Syndrome

The next scene tugged at my heart. Even as I was admiring the debut appearance of the charming  Calzona kitchen plus  cute breakfast table. 

Callie was earnestly trying to talk to Arizona. While Arizona was sticking to the rules and was not talking.

Callie: Arizona, I didn’t sleep at all, I couldn’t do this. Its been one night and I feel, we don’t need this.

How are we seriously not gonna talk for the entire month. Just please, please look at me, I need to talk.

Callie was feeling too attached. She was failing at this. Her emotions were getting the best of her. She couldn’t stand being away from Arizona. She had become too dependent  on the company of Arizona. The separation was killing her.

Hurts Like a Bitch

Callie was treating a patient Emily, whose arm got stuck in a noodle making machine and the arm needed surgery.

Patient: It hurts like a bitch….How long will it take to heal?

Callie gave her words of encouragement , “ you will be back at it before you know it. Okay?”

Arizona’s Unsolicited Advice

Arizona was at the NICU with Alex and the baby patient’s parents. The one day old baby, Lee, had Esophageal atresia at birth. (esophagus developed in two separate pieces)

Arizona introduced Alex to the parents as she could not do the surgery to fix the 4cm gap in the esophagus because  she was out of the department

Parents: Excuse me, Dr Robbins, why aren’t you not doing the surgery?

Arizona: Dr Karev is now the attending in this case. I have recently started a new specialty in a different department. But I can assure you, I have trained Dr Karev, and he is awesome.

The parents questioned the medically induced coma that they were to do with the baby, so Alex  suggested a different approach when Arizona cut her off.

Arizona:  “this is the best one for Lee”.

So Alex pulled Arizona  aside to discuss their differing planned approaches for the surgery. 

 Alex wanted to use the colon, Arizona preferred to put the baby in a medically induced coma for a long time and insert  sutures to both ends of the esophagus. Arizona’s approach prevailed.

Alex: Are you gonna let me do my job or are you gonna do it for me the whole time?

Arizona: Oh crap I’m late for rounds, just do it my way, okay?

Lesson in humility for Arizona

Arizona arrived at the patient’s room. Dr Herman was already there with  their patient who was 23 weeks pregnant.

Arizona was late and was told off by Dr Herman


She was a fetal aortic valvuloplasty patient. No room for error, it was a sensitive surgery, and they assured the patient  that  Dr Herman hads made   them the  “go-to hospital for fetal cardiac intervention” as described by Graham, Arizona’s suck-up co-fellow.

In the O.R., Arizona was not allowed to assist, 

Dr Herman: Robbins, you have an impeccable record as a pediatric  surgeon, but as a fetal surgeon, a big fat zero.

She was told to watch and learn for next time.

So after the surgery, Mr Kiss Ass co-fellow suggested Arizona practice on an old practice model in the skills lab, took  him two months to nail it.

Then Edwards passes by,

Arizona: Oh Edwards, are you still in Callie’s service?

Then they cut to a scene of Callie and Stephanie

Callie: No this is the fourth time she has switched Sofia duty on me

Stephanie: She told me she had to practice

Callie: You tell her, her daughter’s asking when she’s gonna tuck her in at night. And remind her that we shar custody in this stupid arrangement

Stephanie:Okay, this really isn’t something that I feel comfortable with

Callie: Get out, Edwards

Meredith and Callie : A Reawakened Friendship

Meredith and Callie discussed about David, a patient who had thyroid cancer who, despite thyroidectomy and being cancer-free,  had had mets to the hip and Meredith was asking if they could resect it without a hip replacement, but Callie said  it involved much of the proximal femur, they had to do a hip replacement.

They have to resect the total hip now or his cancer will spread. Even if they have to replace the hip eventually after many years.

Meredith : I guess I have to schedule a hip replacement

Callie: Yeah, oh, no, don’t schedule it now, I have

Meredith: I can’t speak up. And you have to keep a  smile on your face. Despite your spouse barely speaking to you. I totally get that.

And this ushers in the reawakening of the Mer and Callie friendship.

Callie Is Not Pleased

Next scene in the Torres-Robbins residence, Callie was talking to the door of the still imaginary Sofia (I'm sorry but her absence has become very very obvious at this time, especially that it was an All-Calzona episode and we expected her to be somehow present and not just be graced by the presence of a mention of her penchant for the color purple and her two bikes on the front lawn.

Callie: Good night…

Then she overheard laughing in the kitchen. Arizona was with April, preparing food and having fun. Aprizona was back too! And Aprizona is always synonymous with fun.

April: Oh sorry Callie, Are we too loud for Sofia?

Callie: I thought Arizona had to study

April: Right, talking is against the rules, sorry. Yes, Arizona is studying. I am helping her make jello models to practice on…

Callie didn’t seem to like it,

Callie: “neat!”

And Callie grabbed her bottle of wine and chugged it as Arizona looked at her with a sorry look, but Callie was obviously ticked off and headed out of the kitchen, still drinking her wine  .

The Rules Suck [Therapist scene 5 ]

Therapist: So then what did you do?

Callie: I followed the rules. Your rules by the way? They suck.

Day 10

Next scene, Arizona impressed Dr Herman by doing the fastest flip of a fetus into position.

So impressed that she asked Arizona to continue the procedure but Arizona hesitated knowing she hadn’t done enough practice.

Dr. Herman: That’s what being an experienced surgeon gains you. The wisdom to know your limitations. She’s not gonna let her arrogance get in the way of patient care. Good call.

And Arizona was set to take the lead in the next surgery, she had to get ready.

Arizona was in high spirits.

She Can’t Live Like This

Next see we see Callie with Emily, her patient, who was in extreme pain.

Callie: Emily I need you to remain still

Emily: I thought the surgery was supposed to fix it. It still hurts. Almost worse than when it  got cut.

Callie: Well you’re a little over a week post op,  It’s still gonna hurt from time to time

Emily: I can’t sleep, I can’t eat.   She was in so much pain.  “Dr Torres I can’t do it”

Callie: Emily I’m so sorry I’ve run every test nothing’s coming up, I’m not sure what I can do

Emily: You gotta do something to help me. I can’t live like this. If I had known it was gonna be like this

And Callie was distraught at her patient’s state. She just didn’t have the solutions and couldn’t stop the pain of her patient. She was frustrated.

So she went into the supply room and had to release her pent up frustration, she threw something like kidney basins to the floor, clueless of Mer’s presence

Meredith:  Whoa

Callie: Sorry

Meredith: You good? You okay?

Callie: Am I good ? I’m obviously not good.  I’m obviously not okay. Why did you ask when you already know the answer. Why not try “what is it Callie?” What can I do Callie,” like a human person

Meredith: Sorry, I have my own stuff

Callie: No, I’m sorry it’s my fault. I have no one to talk to

Meredith: You on call right now?

Callie: No, why?

So this marks the Merlie bonding as reestablished.

After their season 10 closeness which seemed to have paused, it’s such a relief that this friendship is back. They seem to have a lot of fun together, they’re just a joy to watch.

They have found common ground to merge in comradeship and they are highly amusing together, as we see them bonding at the bar. Yes, with tequila.

The Vagina Scene

Callie: We live in the same house, we trade`off caring for Sofia we just can’t talk and have sex

Meredith: Exactly what Derek and I are doing and we’re  healthy

Callie: Well cheers to that! Good man in a storm. What’s so 'good man in a storm' about a break?

Meredith: How was your day Meredith? Did you cure death today Meredith?   When are you gonna cure death, Meredith?  I could’ve cured death if you moved to DC and worked for the president.

Callie: So I’m bisexual! So what? It’s a thing! It’s real! I mean it’s called LGBTQ for a reason. There’s a B in there and it doesn’t mean bad ass. Okay it kinda does, But It also means Bi.

Meredith: My mom and the chief  were doin’ it all over the hospital. All over the hospital. Like me and Derek. Cheating on Addison. I’m a legacy cheater.

Callie: Hmmm, maybe Sofia will be a legacy cheater. Everyone in this hospital has cheated on me. Every single person I’ve ever married has cheated on me. All the… two of them? …Yeah.. Come on!

It was so funny that Callie had to remember “all” her marriages, all two of them. Drunk Callie is UBER HILARIOUS CALLIE.

And this next dialogue wins funniest dialogue of the episode:

Meredith: Cristina was the third wheel in our marriage. Dangerous. Fully charged. Could kill us, but necessary for us to keep going. She got me. You think it’s possible that my one true love in my life is a girl?

Callie: Did you get excited by her vagina?

Meredith: No

Callie: Then, no.

Meredith: Good point.  (And she sang) Vaginaaa

Callie: Vagina

 Meredith: Sing it

Callie: Vavavaginaaa

Meredith: It’s a weird word

 Callie: I think it sounds pretty . People should say it more. Oh God, I miss sex

Meredith: I’m hot my husband’s an idiot

Callie: Do it (haha)

Meredith: That might come back up

And Callie came home, drunk, and crept into Arizona’s bedroom, and they…..sigh….KISSED… sigh…but it was just a kiss…

They Didnt Have Sex [Therapy scene 6]

Therapist: So you broke the rules

Both had the same recollection of that night. Nobody lied to the therapist. They both broke the rules.

Callie: No. We stopped. We didn’t have sex. We kissed and somehow stopped, I mean she had that big surgery with Dr Herman that day and all I wanted to do was ask her how it went.

New scene without Callie

Arizona: We didn’t have sex. We stopped. So what happens now?

Therapist: In order for this to work, you have to follow the rules for the full 30 days

Arizona: You don’t mean the...

Because Arizona Overstepped

Day 1

Scene with Arizona in Alex’s turf again, at the NICU, asking how the process was going with the patient

Alex: Why are you up here again

Arizona: Do u even know what I’m doing? I’m taking a wire, the width of a hair, and maneuvering it through the mom’s abdomen into the uterus and then through the ammiotic cavity and then into the tiny fetus’ chest into an insanely tiny heart. To save a tiny human.   

Alex: Yay you

Arizona: Yay. Pull gently.

Alex: I am. Stop it

Arizona: Think of all the surgeries I’ll save you from having to do

Alex: Remind me to thank you later. Now will you please

Arizona: My job’s gonna make your job obsolete

Alex: Damn it

Arizona: Oh Alex, No!

And that mistake of Alex will result in them repeat the process.  The parents were disgruntled because of the minor complication.

Parents: You’re the one who should be apologizing! You were supposed to do the surgery but you just passed it off to him

Arizona: I assure you that Dr Karev is

Patients Dad: Yeah he’s very good. He’s awesome. We remember. My baby by’s chest has now been cut in two twice. So forgive me if I don’t share your opinion

So Alex gave Arizona a piece of his mind

Alex: No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry  I should’ve told you this sooner. I never should’ve let you dictate a procedure I don’t believe in. This is my patient. This is my service. This is my NICU. And the last time I checked, I  was the attending and you were a fellow. So stop overstepping and get the hell off my floor. Now.

Nothing was going right for Arizona. She made the wrong advice when she shouldn’t even have interfered, and things weren’t good either in her fellowship.

Callie’s Diet

Day 16

Next  scene we see Callie with Mer in the O.R.

The lesion had extended further than expected. Callie can’t believe it had gone that far without fracturing his entire femur.

Meredith: How’s the break going?

Callie: Meredith

Meredith: I mean diet. How’s the diet going?

Callie replies in between drilling

Calie: Diet! Right. Uh back on track…I think.. Day 16

Meredith: No  more late night binges?

Callie: Well, I almost had a cheeseburger but, then I didn’t, so..that was rough cause, I like cheeseburgers..God, I miss cheeseburgers

Meredith: Derek wants a cheeseburger every single night and I told him he cant have one until the end of the year so he should just go and sleep on the couch.  Youre lucky. At least your diet has an end date. 30days right? Imagine how good that cheeseburger’s gonna taste when  your diet’s done

Callie: No

Meredith : Did I get too far?

Callie: No no no, look

She discovered the hip was in a compromised state. Inflammation,  the blood supply  is completely gone. The hip wouldn’t survive. It will be prone to infection.

Mer: So what do you wanna do?

They then had to break the news to the patient’s wife..

They took out the hip. And just attached an x-fix

Patient’s wife: Gosh why did you? You said that you did this all the time?

Callie: I am so sorry I didn’t know how much damage there would be until we actually opened your husband up.

Meredith: The x-fix is only temporary. We will find a permanent solution. The important thing is we got the tumor and we stopped it from causing David anymore problems.

Wife: I need to be with him (Patient’s wife walks away)

Callie: God , I'm having the worst month. 

Mer: I know what we need

In a restaurant,  Mer wanted to split their cheeseburger dinner

And the pickle sides  gave Callie the idea to SPLIT the leg for their patient David

Callie: Wait , we could split it

Mer: We are

Callie: Look it’s genius. We take his fibula bone and we split it into two pieces we can use that to bridge the gap from the tumor resection. The fibula will still have its …native vessels and we can attach..

So David can keep his leg! One hundred  Points for the Vagina Divas.

They Broke the Rules [Therapy Scene 7]

Arizona:   We broke the rules, again.

Therapist: So you had sex

Arizona: No

Callie didn’t come home and that made Arizona worry, made her irrationally jealous, which made Callie happy and began to think the therapy was actually working.

 Arizona: When she didn’t come home, I thought that she was sleeping with someone else, which is..against the rules. .and also the idea  really, really bugged me. And then I thought if she’s not doing that, then what if she’s not okay, cause that bugged me even more. So I made her talk to me

When Arizona was Jel

Arizona: I know we’re not supposed to but we still live in the same house, so I know when you don’t come home 

Callie: Okay..

Arizona: And I know it’s none of my business but there’s Sofia, and if something happened to you I wouldn’t know where you were or who you’re with

Callie: I was here.

Arizona: Don’t cause I searched the car records for your name

Callie: Oh, so you stalked me.

Arizona: I was worried.

Callie: I was at dinner with Grey. We came up with a fix for a patient and we came back here to work on it.

Arizona: With Meredith

Callie: Yes,  what? You think something happened? I was with Meredith Grey and suddenly it was 3am , I didn’t wanna drive home so I slept in an on-call room.

At the therapist's office:

Callie: She was jealous! Like irrationally , obviously jealous. Do you know how it feels to have someone be jealous , to be worried that you’re cheating? It feels nice (Laughed)

Therapist: Well it’s not the healthiest

Callie: No No, I just mean she was worried about me. She cared. Does it mean this thing might actually be working?

She Can't Stop The Pain 

Day 29

Callie was coming up with viable and structurally fine bone. It was a splendid idea. Callie was winning at this.

Then Callie was called to the E.R., her other patient rammed into a tree while driving. Callie suspected she might have wanted to end her life because of the pain.

Derek: Callie, what's the story with this girl?

Callie: I repaired her arm fracture a month ago. But she’s still in horrible pain and I can’t find anything wrong with her. There’s nothing wrong with her, I don’t know if it’s preferred pain or some kind of weird phantom limb but I think that she tried to kill herself and don’t tell me it's not my fault because it’s my fault. It’s my fault that I can’t stop the pain.

So Derek showed her that Emily had developed spinal epilepsy , it was risky to fix it, but of course, Callie must be kidding if she even thought of asking if Derek could fix it.

Arizona’s Not so Good Day

Next scene Arizona chances upon Dr Herman with Amelia Shepherd and she gets the sarcastic treatment upon earning she will lead the next surgery and suck-up Graham will assist.

Dr Herman: “You be ready this time”

Arizona: Yes Ma’am

Dr Herman: Did you need something else?

Arizona: No

Arizona was told off and was humiliated as she was in front of her peer but at at least she got a gesture of support from Amelia who mouthed “sorry “

She checked on the baby patient but upon seeing Alex, walked away from the NICU

Things have not been going well for her.

It’s Not Her Fault

And Derek gave these important words to Callie as they proceeded with the surgery:

“This problem goes much deeper than anything you could have seen or could have controlled. It’s not your fault at all. “

Another line that spurs on Callie, to make her decision

The Hottest Calzona Sexy Scene.  Ever.

What was that awesome song playing in the background? . Therapy? It was more than perfect for this long awaited scene. The sexiest Calzona scene to date. And we finally had it after the last really sexy scene in Season 6 –the deleted scene.

Arizona was practicing with her balloon and Callie was drinking wine and maybe the wine made her long for her wife so on the last day before the supposed end of their break, a usual they broke the rules.

The therapist bent for them but they just went on breaking and this time, they broke it with pizzaz because they went all out.

Calliope was staring from afar, like a cat ready to pounce on his prey. Staring, calculating. And then she approaches target, bites her lip a bit, places her hands on Arizona’s tired shoulder

Arizona: Calliope, I need to practice

Callie: No talking

Then they jump into bed, with Callie, “the woman on top” Callie could not get enough of planting kisses on Arizona’s upper body parts

Arizona: Tomorrow’s  our last day

Callie: So? Close enough, right?

Arizona: What if she makes us start over?

Callie: What if we don’t tell her?

Okay this has got to be the hottest sexy scene I have ever seen them do, ignoring the dim lighting, ignoring how I could barely make out what they were doing.

I don’t want to mention the fact that I conclude that Callie was a horny one, she just delivered the goods. That scene  made me…. feel things…

It was just steaming hawwttt. And the fact that I heard Arizona moan as Callie was going down, hmmm, I knew it was to be one of my most favorite Calzona scenes.

I just wish Arizona didn’t have to hesitate twice. Or maybe that’s just me being hungry for a scene like this. We hadn’t had one like this since forever.

It would have been nice if both were  willing,   from start to finish, no hesitation. To be honest, as a true Calzona fan, in most recent similar scenes, it had always been Callie who was shown to be more willing and eager to do the act. The last time I  saw Arizona  really willing to go all out in such a scene was in 6x12 , the cure for a headache that didn’t involve coffee.

This scene was hands down the biggest consolation of the episode. It was what made us….deliriously  happy. Who wouldn’t admit to keep playing this scene on repeat.

Arizona Disappoints

Arizona was in a scene with Dr Herman and suck-up Graham. She was surprised that the surgery was to be scheduled right  at that moment.

So during the procedure, there was a moment when Arizona hesitated. Which caught the eye of  Dr. Herman. She gave Robbins a dressing down as she sensed that Arizona was nervous or unprepared. Arizona was replaced by Graham to continue with the procedure.

She disappointed her teacher who handpicked her to groom her to be the sixth fetal surgeons west of the Mississipi River because Dr Herman thought she had something. Though she was letting Dr Herman down.

Dr Herman: You’re the chief of Pediatric Surgery, you’re  a member of the Board, Well respected among peers, I thought you woud be better and  in less time, but today, today you embarrassed me, today you were unprepared for the second time. So I might have to rethink this because you might not have what it takes here. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, I don’t know what kind of demons you have but I can tell you that you are behind in this fellowship. And I don’t have time for you to catch up . I don’t have time for three strikes. Something like this happens again, you’re out.

Uh oh. That naughty night with the wifey not just broke the therapist’s rules, it also broke Dr Herman’s regard for Arizona’s preparedness. 

New Hope

Callie was with Derek and Emily, their patient

Patient: When my car hit that tree, the first thought that came into my head was at least it’s over. No more pain. No more swallowing a bunch of pills trying to make it stop. No more crying on my couch watching those stupid cheesy cooking shows thinking about food I’d ever make and God, I’ll stop feeling sorry for myself. Thank you I finally feel like I might actually survive this.

And Callie smiled at her. And the smile seemed to have said:  message received.

Beginning of The End

Callie and Mer were discussing their patient on whom they did a successful surgery 

Meredith: That’s all you, you know 

Callie: Oh he’s got a tough road ahead, months of PT but that graft should reach him three years.  Hopefully this is the beginning of the end for him.

Meredith: So what about you? It’s 8:30  isnt it?

Callie: It is. I am…weirdly nervous. I mean I feel good but  ….It feels like coming back from somewhere.

Meredith: Well, even though the diet’s over I always up for cheeseburgers and tequila.

Callie: Uh

Meredith: Actual cheeseburgers

Callie chuckles , as the closing painful  voice over this time by Callie alternating with Arizona goes…

“Once the chaos subsides, we have to go back. Take another look. We have to ask ourselves, can this body be put back together. If we’ve done our jobs right, It can.

We stop the bleeding. We sew up the damage. We make the body whole again.”

The Most Painful Scene of All   [Therapy Scene 8] 

At the therapist’s office, Arizona said her piece:

Arizona: I understand why we did this.  To make us stronger, to make us better. And t did.  I mean it felt like it really did. It, it took a long time and it was painful and it sucked. But we’ve come a long way. And I know that we have further to go but, I love you Calliope. I love you.

Then Callie broke down

Arizona: Life without you terrifies me. The world is just making less and less sense . I kinda don’t even know what I’m doing at work anymore but the thing that I need is my anchor , you, I need you. And you’re the only thing that I will ever need. And Im so glad that this break is over.

Callie was crying a lot now. There was a pregnant pause then she spoke:

The last 30 days, have taught me so much. And all I wanted when we first came here was to know that we would leave together. But from the minute I sat down I could feel  it. I felt that I was gonna be suffocated. The last several weeks, I have laughed more I have done more, I’ve enjoyed myself more and I, and I finally feel free. 

And by being free, I can see now that constantly  trying to fix us is the thing that’s been killing me slowly. And I don’t wanna do it anymore.  I don’t wanna fix it or fix us anymore. Maybe instead of loving you so hard I should be myself for a while. I should love me. And you should love you . and together we love Sofia rather than

I want so much for you, Arizona.  For both of us. So much more than this. More than being stuck with someone who feels stuck. I want you to feel free too.

And Arizona was stunned. She was going to say something but did not.  Callie stood up and left. And the Calzona fandom was speechless. In shock. It was a sharp blow. 

Notes:

I think Callie was crying because it pained her to hear Arizona say all these words of love for her, I could almost think of what she was thinking.

Arizona was saying all these things now, precious words she may have longed to hear from Arizona. Because all that she had assumed in the past days, weeks and felt was Arizona’s lack of love for her. Putting words into Arizona’s mouth that Arizona might not want to give her what she wants when she gave all that she can to Arizona and this relationship.

She consumed herself to give all of herself to her wife, to fix everything that needed to be fixed,  but it left her empty. And unhappy.

And hearing these words from her wife was heaven, but it was too late.

The love she had for her wife   saying all those things to her, was written all over her face. She felt each word of her wife, it almost seemed she was even struggling to not lose touch of what she was going to say.

She went into that therapist’s room on that last day, with a decision made.

All these days that they were on a 30-day break, each day added to her decision.

It was hard work at first but gradually, things all opened up for her cleared her mind and each thing that happened to her patients and her interactions with her wife all contributed to her resolve.

And when she spoke to her patient who was in so much pain, and her patient who was able to walk again, in her mind, her decision was already a done deal.

So in the therapist’s room, Arizona’s speech which was one of the top two most touching speeches of Arizona, although  rich in emotion and all so sincere, all was too late. It was appreciated but not viable anymore. Callie had already made a decision.

Fixing everything consumed her. She lost herself along the process of fixing, she unintentionally and unknowingly unloved herself. And how could an empty vessel produce love or even effectively have a relationship?

If she stayed, they would just be destroying each other because the doubts and unmet expectations and  resentments will not end.

She already had her assumptions on what Arizona felt each time. Without Arizona opening her mouth, Callie already had an automatic impression of what Arizona’s thoughts were.

It was a losing  situation. Hopeless for the relationship.

One had reached saturation point and did not believe her spouse loved her enough to give her what she wants.

She already made a decision to love herself and to nurture herself and much as Arizona had realized these things of her true love and need for Calliope, for when she faced hard times, Calliope was her anchor, Callie did not have the strength nor the willingness to be there for her anymore. Too late.

At this point in a relationship, no matter what the other says, since Arizona took on the fellowship, it felt that that was the last straw. Even if she tried, that thought gnawed at Callie’s subconscious. Arizona was not giving her what she wanted. It was unfair. 

Does this person even care about her? I gave her everything, I kept giving and giving and she can’t even give this child, which is one of my biggest dreams, to me?

Even as Arizona made all efforts to balance work life and family life, she even gave up peds surgery, asked for an appointment with the surrogacy agency, all was too late.

Callie’s tolerance had already been used up. In a word, she had given up.

When Arizona had already finally crystallized in her heart and mind the importance of Callie in her life. 

The final part of the closing voice over, was done by both Callie and Arizona:

Callie:   That no matter how hard we try,

Arizona: We have to realize

Callie: Some things, just can’t be fixed.

The breakdown of the relationship was inevitable. It went on a downward spiral since after the surrogacy talks and the fellowship, it was beyond salvaging.

Callie had to take care of herself first , and she wanted Arizona to do the same. Maybe Arizona did feel stuck since Africa. That we really do not know, because it was never refuted. Arizona was stunned into silence.

In conclusion,  these two have a lot of repair to do. Internally.

Just as what we have seen in season 10. When Callie , in 10x05 chose herself and to love herself.

It gives me hope that Callie said she will be herself “for a while”.

It gives me that tiny hope that maybe, someday when they are both whole again, they can find their way back to each other, this time as fully revitalized human beings.  More capable of fully understanding and accepting one another , and more capable of eternal love.

Thoughts on the Episode

1. Therapy

Callie had that fear. She had a real great fear of being alone. She had lost her identity as she got immersed Into their relationship. And with all the fixing that she did, trying to fix Arizona after the plane crash, the amputation, the recovery, the cheating, the fling, then Callie tried to fix the relationship, it just all came to a head.

In the therapist’s office, she was unwilling to take even a short break.

It was surprising actually why Arizona even said three, six months. It was a big blow to  Callie.

It was unthinkable for her how Arizona could handle being far away from her for that long. She even stared strangely at Arizona, probably with a hint of a doubt if they still wanted to stay together.

 In that first scene, to me, it seemed like Callie was clinging on to the relationship for dear life, while Arizona was calmly objective about it, listening to the therapist’s advice that “a break is not an end. A break is a tool to help make it work…”

2.Their Careers

Arizona’s fellowship was in danger. She stepped back on Peds Surgery but she was not doing great at her fellowship

Meanwhile, Callie was shining at work. She was successful at her surgeries.   

3. Their Friendships

The episode also brings to  fore the sustained Callie-Owen friendship, which is very supportive and comforting, the reestablished Meredith-Callie Friendship which is so hilarious and  and of course the all-fun Aprizona has made a comeback.

It was good to see this episode establish their support groups, when they go separate ways. They have people they can lean on in a very sensitive time like this.

4. "I keep giving and giving and giving"

This line sums up the root of their conflict.

 Callie feels she had been too giving, Arizona may have appreciated it but had not  recognized the total value of all that Callie had given. Why? Because it was not what she asked for, or at least she thought it wasn’t. The giving and receiving process had clearly not been in sync. One thought that she had given so much, thinking this had to be totally recognized, while the receiver took it in a different way and did not recognize it as how the giver wanted her to.

Simply not in sync.


5. Jealousy

Understandable that Callie was happy that Arizona was jealous. And this leads me to think that she may have felt love from that jealousy. It was amusing at that moment but if we sink deeper into it,  it will appear pathetic to be happy about it because it only implies that Arizona may have been lacking in expressing enough that she loves Callie.

For your wife to just take happiness in seeing you jealous, hmmm there would appear to be something amiss.

Sometimes, a person may be loving somebody but not expressing it enough by her actions or inactions. The sins of omission may have been too much that Callie had already been conditioned to think that her wife doesn’t love her enough, but this does not really necessarily mean that it is true that Arizona doesn’t love her enough.

What is clear is that the expectations were unmet, and Callie was taking happiness and picking up the crumbs of feeling loved from a fit of jealousy from her wife. The therapy might be working but it was clearly not a fulfilling reason to be happy.

6. The Break Up

I was not surprised about the break up . I had expected this major conflict since 11x02. It was imminent that their misunderstandings would come to a head.

It’s early in the season, and it’s the best time for a big conflict. It would be meaty fare to build intriguing SLs on. So in the name of drama, I’m willing to ride with it. See where it goes. Much as every Calzona fan on my timeline is devastated, I never thought people didn’t see this coming because it was imminent. Their arguments were building up to it.

The good thing is, it was a necessary thing. They had to break up. They were literally in tatters. Callie’s trust that Arizona loved her or cared enough for her to give her what she needed was  damaged and could not be repaired at that moment

But the message of hope in all this is:

The human heart and the human soul is mutable. Everything changes. All things evolve. For now, their fate is to live life apart and build their individual selves and be free to be themselves without trying so hard to live for the fulfillment or happiness of the other.

They have to love themselves first to be capable of loving each other fully.

So I have that very big hope that after everything , having new individual experiences, meeting new people, showering their love on Sofia, advancing their careers and being friends, maybe all this will one day will lead them to realize how much they still want to live with each other.

The love was there. Stare at their eyes.  No doubt about it. But they cannot compromise on living for the other right now-- at the expense of one’s soul taking a severe pounding every time it attempts to give. It is definitely  unhealthy. So everything has to cease.

This stop was needed. So no worries.

I don’t mean to be smug but it makes me yawn. No, not because I noticed the repetitive SL of this relationship (of Calzona fighting again and  breaking up, getting together then breaking up again) but because it is but a step, an important step to their happily ever after.

I’ve heard a lot of comments about why these two have to break up every time they have a problem or disagreement; that marriages or any relationship of two people who love each other must work through the problems and not give up easily. Why always choose a break up as a solution.

 Every relationship is different. It’s difficult to generalize or even judge. Would rather look at this at face value because  I respect what they are going through and what their reactions are. If Calzona is a relationship that happens to be on and off, break up and make up, then that’s okay. They are human. They fall and they get back up,  and  manage to catch each other at the finish line.

All I can think about right now is how great it will be to see them flourish as individuals, and grow into more loving persons. Most of all, I’m excited to see how they will find their way back to each other. We have less than 19 episodes to see how that will unfold, and it is so exciting to think about.

I want to be thrilled. I want to get hurt. I want to be angry. I want to be happy. I want to root for them as I never have.

And I just know that it will be beautiful.

I’m banking on Shonda to give this to us in the classic Grey’s way, the classy way of drama and entertainment. I’m in for the wild ride.

Thoughts on what might happen next:

1.    Arizona dating is a no-no. For everyone, especially for us. It’s unlikely though she will even consider it.

2.    It is not impossible that Callie will have another relationship or at least a love interest. And it will be short-lived and it is okay.

3.    They will live in the same house most probably, for the sake of Sofia. But it woudn’t feel like a real break up so maybe one will move out.

4.    Sofia will appear very soon and her role will be instrumental in reinforcing the couple’s  inevitable reason to get back together later on.

5.    Calzona getting back together in 10x12 would be so great, Shonda

But one prospect is most sure. I bet my twitter life on it:

They WILL get back together. No matter what, how, when, where. They will.

For now, I choose to ride with the drama. I didn’t want to be bored and this is great cause it sure ain’t boring at all.

So I end with (as Oprah says it) one thing I know for sure: Calzona are MFEO. They are going to get back together

I say this rationally and without bias just because I’m a hardcore Calzona shipper.

They may be broken up right now, but sometimes, things have to be broken down, and destroyed, in order for things to be made whole. Things have to be broken in order for them to be rebuilt.  And further, in order to evolve.

Always remember, Calzona is forever.

Forever Calzona Strong.

Twitter:

@GAFan8