Stepping Back

Calzona Review 11x04  “Only Mama Knows”

This emotion-filled episode  centered on Ellis, Meredith and Richard had vintage Grey's feels all throughout. And it was special.

The theme was repressed memory. And how we never really forget them. And how in life's carousel, we can't really get off, we just have to go with it as it keeps turning.

“…That’s all that’s really left of someone when they’re gone. But that’s the tricky thing. Nobody’s memory is perfect. Nor complete. We jumble things up. We lose track of time. We are in one place. And another. And it all feels like one long inescapable moment. It’s just like my mother used to say. The carousel never stops turning…”

Too bad there was not even one second of Callie. That was the biggest downside. I think this is the first time in many a season that i didn't see Callie on a Grey's episode. Bummer, really, but at least we had our one minute of Arizona. Okay, 1 min 26 secs.

Her two-scene stint, both scenes with Alex, however miniscule, in the midst of the Grey family chronicles, was significant. It put forth two important factors mainly:

1) why she didn't vote for Karev to be board member
2) that she cared enough about her marriage and was willing to sacrifice and step back on peds surgery for it, and for the fellowship

Busy, busy

In the first scene, Alex was frustrated at trying to get to talk to Arizona. Our girl simply had her hands full with her slave driver teacher, Dr Herman, amidst her doctor duties.

She simply could not even spare time to talk. What's more, she was at the beck and call of Dr Herman.

Alex: Robbins!

Arizona: Uh, there you are! Hey, welcome back!

Alex: Can I talk to you

Arizona reminds  Alex about a patient “ ...his liver enzymes are looking good but I'm worried I might have to get him back for ERCP so make sure you keep your eye on it”

Then she gets a text message from her drill sergeant, I mean her teacher …

Arizona: I hear you Dr. Herman, gimme two minutes.  God, you have no idea how lucky would have me as a teacher during your fellowship.

Alex: We have to talk. One minute

Then she receives another text message from the same commandant.

Arizona: My God. I am coming! Oh no. Bummer.

To Keep her Marriage from Falling Apart

Then we finally get substantial details on this second scene.

Arizona: No no, I didn’t vote for you

Alex: Okay.... you go,  'tell me when you need help I'm gonna help you.' You're so full of crap!

Arizona:I’m sorry.

Alex: If you didn’t want to vote for me, fine, but then why lie to my face about it?

 Arizona: But I didn’t think you’d take the attending job if you knew

Alex: If you're trying to be a mentor right now, you’re sucking

Arizona: Nope, I'm not your mentor! I mean I am if you need me to be but I need you to not need me to be. That’s why I didn’t vote for you.  Cause I spent the day observing a fetal shunt placement...trying to suck up to  whom I’m 100% positive hates me. The only reason that I can try to do that is because you handled that little girl’s case so beautifully.

I need to take a step back from peds surgery if I’m gonna make this  fellowship work and if I’m gonna keep this marriage from falling apart. And the only way that I can even try to do that is if you’re here, doing everything that I can’t do. I don’t need you to be my fellow anymore, Alex. I need you to be me. You’re the only one I could trust to do that.

Alex: I should be making a lot more money.

Arizona: A lot. A lot.

Alex didn’t have to fret. Arizona laid down her reasons for her "betrayal" of not voting for him. And the bottom line is that Arizona's reason was gratifying too, for Alex.

Well it was a little self-serving on Arizona's part but still, even without Arizona’s vote, Alex would have still lost the board seat and the upside to this was that it was a clear job advancement for him, with substantial financial reward to boot.

Arizona's words were crystal. She was stepping back from her career. She was prioritizing the fellowship and more importantly (for us), she was prioritizing her marriage.

Consistent with what Jackson mentioned in his talk with Callie last episode "your wife tried to quit peds surgery on me."

Arizona had indeed been making an effort. She knew her responsibility and this development here leaves us with no doubt.

Arizona is now giving too. The Arizona who gave up her job in Africa to be with the woman she loves, is back. Gone were the days when all we saw was one-way giving on Callie's part since the plane crash happened.

Now, Arizona was at the giving end. When she took on that fellowship, we had that slight uneasiness that she prioritized that over their plans of having a baby. It gave way for the perennial assumption that this decision for taking on the fellowship was selfishness, after all of us getting excited for them about having a baby via surrogacy.

However, what was revealed as the story developed was that contrary to Callie's assumptions as she put words into Arizona's mouth last episode, Arizona is actually doing what she could to balance having a baby, taking on the fellowship, and handling her career.

So in perspective, Callie and Arizona are on different stages of life right now:

Callie

After having been so giving and forgiving and understanding all the way for Arizona (Since the plane crash, since the physical and emotional recovery after  losing the leg, since the cheating, since the Leah adventure, and even now after Arizona took on the fellowship), she seemed to have reached saturation point.

Not in the sense of not wanting to give anymore but she could not help but voice out that she too has expectations for Arizona to support her too, after all she has given,  which is very understandable in human terms. Callie is human, after all.

It seems enough is enough for Callie. It seems that after everything,  at present, Callie is always in the assumption that every action that Arizona makes, is an attempt at bailing on their plans to have a baby.

That’s why she was surprised when Jackson mentioned that her wife was quitting peds surgery on him. I assume she did not expect this from her wife.

Arizona

In twilight-speak, Arizona at this stage is like a newborn. She had overcome trauma and tragedy and now, after a long time of  self-pity, recklessness and indecision, she is more than ready to conquer the world and is back to being the perky Arizona of old. Even better because she seeks self-improvement and advancement.

What’s even more significant is that she is amazingly making effort for the plans to have a baby.

First, it was her idea to go to the surrogacy agency (which surprised me last episode). Second, she told Alex she is  taking a step back in her career to keep her marriage from falling apart.

So we see the contrasting stages in both their mindsets. Both have gone through each of their stages and it seems that one has almost reached  breaking point while one is all fresh and newly-energized, giving and stepping back.

As it was quoted in the narration, 

"Our lives are built on our mistakes. As much as our successes." 

They are both going through different things, they are both loving people but are flawed and challenged, and in essence, both are being human.

The carousel of life never stops turning, and they can't get off, they have to go as it turns and make the best of it. Together.

And sooner than later, these two, journeying through their individual stages will meet each other head on, and this ushers in, the make or break and bend and break chapter in their lives.

So yeah. I will be sleepless till next Thursday.

Postscript 

The sneak peek and two promos had made their debut on twitter and other social media right after 11x04 and the Calzona fandom is more than alive again upon seeing our two beloveds in what seems to be a therapist’s office.Before I could say “Finally!” and yak about my comments, I would rather choose to watch it first.

So much anticipation for 11x05 had been imminent among Callie and Arizona fans as it is believed to be Calzona-centric after Jessica and Sara tweeted thanks to the production crew after filming that episode.

I do not wish to turn a blind eye to the fact that these had created so much buzz that it had even sparked intense debates among opposing “teams” involving Arizona and Callie fans since the day these were shown.

What with quotes such as:

“I do everything for you because I love you.”

“I trapped you into a kid, a kid you never wanted and now you are stuck..”

“Don’t you ever say that I don’t want my child or that I regret my child”

“I’m bisexual, I’m attracted to both men and women and that freaks her out”

“I came back for you”

“I think we need a break”

I keep giving and giving”

All the quotes above just hit me right to the core. For whatever it’s all worth, I am so very happy to see these two at a therapist’s office FINALLLYYYYYYYY.

It had been so long that we have been clamoring for Calzona to talk. To sort things out. To make things clear. To spit out repressed sentiments. To say what they haven’t but should have said to each other.

Because after all that repression, the normal expectation would be to see it all blow up and might result in irreparable damage.

The time has come.

This is it.

Finally, they will both lay it out in the open, And we have to be prepared, because this is what we have prepared for all our lives since season I don’t even remember what season.

It may hurt them and may hurt us. It may open old wounds. It may unravel new things. But the important thing is they took that step to go to a therapist. Read: they CARE about their marriage and they want to FIX what needs to be fixed.

It means they are NOT giving up and they want to work things out, resolve the unresolved, clarify the unclear.   

I’m just hoping that they tackle ALL unresolved issues. And especially the fans’ issues, questioning the actions  of both Callie and Arizona, so that at last, there will be clarity on both their actions and reactions, as judgments have been scathing on both sides.

This is a relationship. And the two people who make up this relationship are characters that we all love so much, regardless of which character we love more.

Let’s hope we will all be happy with however their union ends up in after they exert efforts to work it out.

As with human nature, both have had faults and flaws. But after everything, both have given and given way to each other. And why?

Simple.  Because they love each other. Love may not be enough but it is essential.

The love is there and that is their starting point.  No patching up or rebuilding will be possible if there is no mutual love between them.

This is just a postscript so I have to end it here before it becomes longer than the real review notes.

After all, this is a review of 11x04 and not a review of the 11x05 sneak peek and promos.

So let’s grab our wine and popcorn, oh okay, tequila and vodka, and let’s try to get to Thursday in one piece, and hope for 30 Calzona minutes minimum next episode. *wink*

The Shondaland rollercoaster never stops either. And you can't get off. Oh you can, but no.

So we just grab our tissues too as we arm ourselves with hashtag CalzonaStrong.

#TeamCalzona #TeamLove #TeamNoPickingSides

May the force be with us.

Godspeed.

Twitter:

@GAFan8