She Didn't Want Any of This

Calzona Review 11x06  Don’t Let’s Start

“Trauma is messy. Chaotic. Looking at a body that has been reduced to a bloody pulp. It might seem difficult to know when to start.  Luckily, some very clever person developed a protocol. The ABC's: airway, breathing, circulation.

The ABC's keep your patient alive so you can figure out how to tackle the rest of  the mess. If only life’s problems can be solved with an intubation tube..”

The opening voice over was as scary as the first scenes of the ep. Trauma hits after painful unbearable blows. Callie and Arizona ‘s marriage suffered a major blow with their break up in the last minute of last week’s episode, and their relationship is in trauma, just as the Calzona fandom is.

This whole episode was hands down amazing. It had all the elements of Old Greys,  I can definitely say the Old Greys is back. I cannot think of one criticism- worthy aspect of this episode. For me, it was one of the best this season.  Wonderfully written, ably directed. And the fade to black-and-white effect did add a touch of  drama.

I say three thumbs up for this episode. 

Then I remember again: It’s the first episode for post-break up Calzona.

And that again, ripped my fragile heart in two. As it had, every single day of the past two weeks.

Oddly though, this  episode gave a different vibe. Even though it was sad to know they were apart, the scenes in this episode , made us focus on individual experiences of  Callie and Arizona .

Callie and Arizona  as doctors, and how they handled their careers, sort of lent a distraction to the current state of their marriage.

And remember, the plan was  to focus on themselves and to love themselves, as they ought to.

Somehow , it was a relief to see them together in their  first  scene in the episode. Seeing Callie concerned about where Arizona slept was a consolation.

And we need to take special note: No one kicked anyone out of Casa Calzona. That’s clear.

Hospital Living

Callie: This is where you’ve been staying? Figured you’d gone to a hotel or

Arizona: Herman has been breathing down my neck day and night, it’s easier. Plus, where I sleep is no longer any of your concern

Callie: I didn’t kick you out. I never said that you had to go.

Arizona: You made it very clear that my being around you is suffocating .

Callie: Okay, well, have you told anyone?

Arizona: No, have you?

Callie: No, do you think that we should?

Arizona: Can we just not…yet?

Callie: Whatever you want.

Arizona: I didn’t want any of this. I have rounds.

This first scene tugs at the heart. We were so curious to know how the set up was going to be after last week’s breakup, and turns out Arizona chose to live where Callie chose to live in her fetus days—in the hospital.

Super Ortho Goddess to the rescue

Next scene Callie’s Ortho services was needed for  a carjacking victim, beaten up badly.

Callie: You needed Ortho? Oh whoa.

Owen: …We’re gonna need an emergency laparotomy

Callie: Uh, right now, here?

The Ortho Goddess seemed like a surgical superhero taking off her coat and changing into surgery garb. They had to pack the abdomen fast.

Callie: You sure you wanna do this?

Owen: I’m sure we don’t have a choice.

In the O.R., Callie was to do the repair the next day, after cleaning up the fracture.  She discovered that the patient was a veteran. She knew how to identify military tattoos on the skin, thanks to Owen. 

Team Fetal and their Plan of Action

Next scene, Dr Herman was explaining to Arizona how their approach was to be for  Waldo Pfeiffer,  gestational age 23 weeks, and  dealing with a nasty mass  pressing on his heart and lungs, and this was to be their next fetal surgery task.

Dr Herman: You have a consultation in 20 minutes. Make it fast, get back here  and we’re gonna go over these procedures step by step

Arizona: Terrific.  Thank you.

Dr Herman : Well, don’t thank me. I decided to do what was necessary when it took you two months  to wrap your head around a valvuloplasty. Are you ready?

Arizona: Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

In the next scene,  Arizona arrives to see Dr Herman.. late.

Arizona: …CCAM,  im ready. Whenever you are

Dr Herman : There’s been a change of plans. I’m having a personal…im going home. Here are the materials on the procedure. Internalize them . I’ve made notes in the margins because my approach is better than what the crap is in there. You also need to cover my service

Arizona: Wait, hold on, is everything okay?

Dr Herman: I said it’s personal! Whatever you need from me it’s there. Read it.

Arizona: What if I have questions?  

Dr Herman: It will be answered in there. See you tomorrow.

More than ever, Herman was short  with Arizona. And this change of plans was all too sudden. Arizona just had to do what she was told.

We see Arizona as eager and as determined as ever to make the best of this fellowship.

Suck It Up

Arizona was in the NICU, and Alex didn't exactly appreciate her presence.

Alex:  I thought I was clear. I don’t want you here double checking my work.

Arizona: …One of her patients landed on here and I’m learning the steps of tomorrows CCAM fetal  surgery from a journal article. Actually, not even,  from the chicken scratch, from the margin of an article. I think she’s trying to haze me.   Or set me up for failure, or kill me

Alex: You know what? No one forced you to do this. And now you’re gonna pout because it’s kinda hard the teacher’s mean? Suck it up.

And Arizona just stared in silence at Alex.

It was no-holds barred Alex Karev speaking to her. Alex was matter-of- fact in setting her straight. 

She had to buck up. 

She couldn’t  give up  just because she was being terrorized by her teacher from the fires of hell.

Callie the Compassionate

Callie and Jo met up with Jo  saying that OR 3 was  ready for carjacking victim patient Melissa’s tibia replacement and that police are taking her statement.

They talked to Melissa, as Melissa told them that the police found her car.   Callie telling her “Okay, it’s okay, it’s all replaceable, let’s just be glad you didn’t get killed.”

Callie was so comforting as  a doctor, I really want her to be my doctor when I ever have Ortho issues…I’m sure I’m going to heal so fast with the kind of patient care that she shows.

Melissa relayed what exactly happened.  She was sleeping, they broke the window and tried to pull her out but she was stuck and she tried to hold on , she was dragged for a while and was punched and kicked  until she couldn’t hold on anymore.

Callie: Why didn’t you just let them take it?

Melissa: Everything was in that car.

Then as they prepared to scrub in, Jo was telling Callie and Owen how she suspected that Melissa was homeless and lived in her car. Jo knew this from a similar experience, and lied about it in high school because she would get   looks   like she was weird and pitiful when she let people know about her way of life. .

Callie: You lived in your car in  high school?

Jo: See, that’s the look

There’s that uniquely Grey’s touch of having a light moment in an otherwise very serious scene.

Dr. Herman The Terror

In the O.R.,  with Arizona and Dr. Herman, Arizona noticed Karev enter the O.R.

Arizona: Karev?

Dr Herman: Dr Karev expressed an interest in our little  CCAM  surgery today.

Alex: Sounds amazing but I wanna make sure I’m out of the way

Dr Herman: Happy to have you.

Hope the hell you studied, Robbins. I warn you, I did not sleep well last night. My patience will be thin.

Arizona didn’t exactly welcome Alex’s presence.  She was going to be humiliated for sure.

She Lived in Her Car 

 Next scene Callie, Owen and Jo were in Melissa's room. 

Melissa: Am I gonna pay for all this?

Callie: No, no, no, we just wanted to know

Melissa: Cause I still have insurance left…

Owen: Inside your car?

And they confirmed with Melissa if she did live in her car and she lost it and she lost everything

She felt she was not worth the government’s grant for housing cause she just fixed computers in the green zone in Iraq.

She Wants Her Exact Words

Back in the OR with Herman, Karev and Arizona,  Karev was amazed by the fetal surgery magic going on.

Then they came to the important part , chest  exposure and incision.

Dr Herman: Every step counts here, tell me what you are about to do.

And Arizona did tell her

Dr Herman: Slowly and controlled

Arizona: I’m sorry?

Dr Herman: My notes said, the mass cage must be delivered slowly and in a controlled manner. Did you read my notes or not?

Arizona: I did. It also told me to prepare for bradychardia. 

Dr Herman: Proceed

And Herman continued to grill Arizona on what exactly was happening in the surgery procedure.

Dr Herman :That’s not what my notes said. I want my words…I want my exact words. You’re giving me the gist. I’m not interested in your interpretation of my notes. I want to know that the specific words of my notes are embedded in your brain. That’s what this is all about . That’s what this fellowship is all about.. If you’re only interested in learning the gist

Karev couldn’t take it any longer and had to butt in ‘All right, she gets the point.”

Dr Herman: Dr Karev, we’re just getting to the good part. You don’t want to leave now.

Dr Herman: My notes said that before my approach , the surgery resulted in fetal cardiac arrest 50% of the time. Feels strange doesn’t it? To touch a baby before he’s even born. Do you know what that feels like? Privileged. Right. Privileged.

Arizona was humiliated by her teacher in the presence of her protégé. However Arizona felt she still appeared strong and tough. She was accepting all this and taking all the bullying

Arizona Confides 

At the NICU

Arizona: Thanks for having my back in there.

Alex: Do you really let her talk to you like that?

Arizona : I know

Alex: So do something about it

Arizona: I can’t

Alex: You have to.

Arizona: Callie and I are splitting up. And there are a lot of reasons why it happened, but taking this fellowship might be the nail in the coffin. I traded my marriage for this job. And it’s pretty much all I have right now  so it has to work.  I need it to work.

Alex:  Okay. No screw that,  it’s not okay. I saw what happened in there ,  she’s got it in for you.. She’s either looking for a reason  to fire you or she’s gonna grind you down, make you miserable trying to please her. So she’ll probably fire you either way. What have you got to lose?

The Shocker

Arizona enters the room to meet  Dr. Herman

Arizona: Can I talk to you?

Dr Herman: Actually, I wanna talk to you.

Arizona: Dr Herman, I wasn’t kidding when I said that I wanted this fellowship and today’s surgery only confirmed that more for me.

Dr Herman: Close the door.

Arizona: But no matter how much I want or need this fellowship I refuse to spend the year with you speaking to me the way that you speak to me

Here’s the bombshell:

Dr Herman: We won’t have a year together

Arizona: Fine, great 

Arizona was frustrated, exasperated.

Dr Herman: I’ll be dead in six months. I have a brain tumor. It’s inoperable.  I thought I had longer but it’s growing. Soon I will show symptoms and after that I will die

Arizona was just shocked. And who wasn't.

Arizona: Who knows about this? Hunt?  Anyone?

Dr Herman: Fetal surgery is a new field . The few of us who are practicing it are basically inventing it as we go along. The things I know, is what I scribble down in the margins. No one has them. They’re not in any textbook. They’re only in my brain. So I can fight to write papers and try to get them published, or I can use the time I have left to try to teach you a year’s worth of medicine in six months. Or you could tell Hunt and the board and it all goes away forever.

Arizona: I don’t know how to feel about this

Dr Herman: Well,  hurry up and decide. We don’t have any time to waste.

So shocker of shockers, this scene was. 

So that was why she was that strict with Arizona. She wanted her to learn well and fast. 

Suddenly, the people who didn’t like Dr Herman (like me),  softened up to her character.

The closing voice over was open-ended, .

“The ABCs of trauma are a handy tool for keeping a patient alive. But they’re only a starting point.. Once the patient’s  airway, breathing and circulation are all clear and accounted for, the real work begins. The messy work.

There’s no telling how long it’s going  to take to clean up that chaos. Once you’ve begun. Because sometimes, you don’t know what you’re in for.

You don’t know exactly what you’re going to face.

You don’t know what secrets the body in front of you holds. And whether by the time it’s all over, if there’s anything left worth saving.”

Notes:  

Post Break-Up Situation

It was sad to see them separated. That first and only Calzona scene got me sympathetic with their current situation. It was a relief though, to see Callie’s concern for her wife, seeing her living at the hospital.

Yes it did kind of get emotional with the line “where I sleep is no longer any of your concern”,  “you made it very clear that me being around you is suffocating”  and “I didn’t want any of this” …it all just hurts. It makes me so weak to hear words like that…Oh I need strength to type….

This  Calzona scene  shows us  Arizona’s reaction  that we failed to see last episode after that painful ending. She was hurting. She didn’t want this to happen. But she respected Callie’s wishes and took it upon herself to move out, to give Callie her needed space.

I sensed Callie naturally felt   guilty, stressing she didn’t kick her wife out, but when two people break up, the natural setup would be to live separately.

It was nice to see our favorite (non)couple now, still civil to each other and have respect for each other. After all, they did not fight, it was an amicable break up. Besides, they share a child, who, for six episodes into the season, continues to be invisible to the naked TV screen.

Also noted was their mutual agreement  to not let anyone know about the break up.  

Arizona’s request when Callie asked her if they should tell people about it, was noticeable. 

She requested to be mum about it just yet, maybe because she had not adjusted to their situation yet or maybe because she had too much on her plate and could not deal with reactions of people yet. 

This shows she was the one more emotionally affected by the split.

But one thing was clear, there was still love for each other. Callie with her vocal concern for her wife, and Arizona expressing that she wasn’t agreeable to this situation  in the first place.

Arizona All-determined, Callie All-Awesome

This episode if anything, showed how determined and passionate Arizona was in her fellowship.

Arizona had always been perky and sunshiny but she wasn’t one to take that kind of bad treatment from anyone. Arizona is an army brat. And she is tough. But she accepted all the bullying that Herman dished her. Why? Because as she revealed, it was the only thing left.  That’s why no matter what the cost, she was bent on succeeding in it.

My  dual view in this is that it was admirable to see how passionate and determined she was about her career goal, but at the same time, it did touch my heart that she mentioned what motivated her most, that is,  having nothing left except this. It was in a way, what she traded for her marriage.

Callie meanwhile, was also shown in her Ortho Goddess duties, being busy  with her own career, and displaying that compassion and sensitivity to her patient.

This is what we wanted to see, for each of them to be busy with their careers and be the best of their individual selves. Although there was more focus on Arizona in this episode, surely Callie's professional life  will be focused on in the coming episodes. 

Let us note however, that Callie was unaware of her wife's predicament. 

How her wife, who felt that the fetal surgery fellowship was all she had, was taking all the bad treatment by Dr Herman, eerily similar to Callie's patient who also felt she had nothing left except for her car, that she let herself be dragged and beaten up trying to hold on to the only thing left that was hers.

So both Callie and Arizona had parallel experiences of fighting for the only thing left, although Arizona had direct first hand experience while Callie saw a similar situation  through her patient.  And of course, Callie's empathy and compassion for the patient was eminent. 

If only Callie knew what Arizona was going through, I would think she would be concerned for sure.

Alex as Arizona’s confidante

Alex was Arizona’s comfort and confidante rolled into one. She needed to let it out. Although she requested Callie for them to not tell anyone that they were splitting up, she felt the need  because she had to let Alex know why she was this determined to succeed at this fellowship. 
Despite the bullying, despite being  terrorized by her teacher.

It was also heartwarming to see the usually abrasive Alex  defend her in the O.R. and give her practical advice. After her break up, it was consoling to see Alex as support.

Shocker ending

I totally didn’t see that coming. That ending. That Dr Herman had six months left on earth. 

Hey, that’s what makes Grey’s Grey’s. 

Just when you as a viewer, thought you got all things figured out, you realize you don’t.

So now we understand somehow, why Dr Herman was that strict and inconsiderate and impatient with her protégé. She needed to make Arizona learn this field in a superhuman amount of time. 

So even if she was a terror, this last scene  gave a redeeming factor for Herman.

It came  with a twist, though. 

It was an ethical question for Arizona. It was a challenge for the good man in a storm.

Sure she wanted to learn a lot. This was important knowledge transfer, from a source that was about to be snuffed out from the world. A doomed genius willing to transfer to her all the necessary details about fetal surgery.  

This was Arizona’s career goal. She wanted to learn from the best. She wanted to be part of the elite circle of fetal surgeons in this part of the world.

But at what cost? Yes she withstood the unbearable treatment that her teacher put her through, but this time, it was an ethical concern because having Dr Herman stay may be a risk to the patients and the hospital.

Moving Forward`

Callie and Arizona are starting their new lives apart, whatever is in store for them in the next three episodes leading to the Winter finale, let’s just hope we can bear everything.

I just hope it won’t hurt so much because seeing them broken up like this continuously breaks my already shattered heart.

I still remain with my hope that they get back together in 11x12 but that may be too early. So fine,11x15 is okay too. 

But they’ll definitely get back together. 

Obviously,  they still do love each other. That’s for sure.

So as Shonda said, “trust the journey.”  And that’s what I ought to do.

#CalzonaStrong

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