What Are They Up To?

Calzona Review 10x06 “Map Of You”

Even before this episode aired, sneak peek #2 that preceded this episode stressed me out and gave me a tummy upset.

It's stress that I should not even be feeling because of a TV show. (As if Grey's doesn't usually do this to me.)

I guess reading two interviews on the same day I saw the sneak peek, one with Jessica Capshaw and one with Tessa Ferrer added to that stress.

In these interviews, they somehow confirmed our most dreaded possibility: that Arizona has moved on and is spending time with another person, i.e. Leah.

Just to note, we saw NO scenes with Callie and Arizona together. 

I'd like to label  this as a “transitional” episode, where we see how and where they are, after major shifts in their lives. Here, we join Callie and Arizona through their separate journeys.  We see what they're up to.

I see it as an episode that sets the stage for more important events to come.

On with the Calzona dissection of this episode.

McDreamy took over the voice-over reins in this ep and I love his McVoice speaking about the human brain-- the center of attention in this episode, (second to the red mug):

“The human brain, it may be the most complex map ever created. Billions of neurons making trillions of connections. At first glance, they seem completely random, but there’s nothing random about them. 

All these connections happen to have a specific pattern. It is designed for a function.

These connections determine everything about us. What we love, what we hate, what we say, what we do”

In the first few minutes of the episode, we learn that Callie and Derek have been collaborating for months  on a research, that  involves initiating movement by using brain  sensors to help immobile patients (in this case Callie’s patient quadriplegic Mickey). 

Sara seems to have been extra beautiful in this episode, especially when she smiles, like in this pic. Just an observation.    

Our fears were real. They kissed.

I’ll speed by this next scene so please read it fast cause well, you know, it’s not a Calzona scene, but it’s a key scene.

We see Arizona’s new friend Leah, excitedly telling her peers about some secret that she can’t share. 

She pushes on with her own mysterious secret, even if we see no one really asking nor listening to what it is.

“I’ve got a secret thing going, too, I can’t tell you who kissed me though.”

Sadly, it seemed like she was the only one excited about her own story.

It was only on my second re-watch that I caught this line of Leah's because forgive me, my mind automatically goes blank when the core characters are not onscreen.

They *kissed?!!!*. My heart just fell, and it stayed on the floor till the end of the episode.

We then see Arizona and Leah blankly observing Jo get coffee and they talk about something that surprises us:

Leah: I thought you would never leave. You got my texts? I passed my intern exams 

We see Leah as the typical smitten person who grabs every chance to get attention from the object of her affection. 

Tessa Ferrer knows it, Calzona fans are annoyed, (and boy! she is going to stir this Calzona thing up). 

We learn that Arizona replied to her text with a “congrats” and it continues:

Leah     : I hoped that I would see u.  I had such an amazing time the other night.

Arizona: It was fun

Leah     : I feel like im ready to take it further

Arizona : Uhm, that’s not a good idea

Leah     : I totally get it. See you tonight?

And I see Arizona smile and was that a nod, Arizona? Was it?? Yes, she did nod. So they were going to see each other again??? Seemed so.

Callie after dancing in her underwear

Meantime, Callie has her own story going on too. 

Derek questions Callie why she wasn’t present  when they tested new brain sensors on Mickey that morning and patient Mickey kept asking why Callie wasn’t there.

The last time we saw Callie was during the  'underwear (Inner Ninja) dance' and we are curious  how she is carrying on after that epic scene

How Callie replied was both significant and surprising:

“Moving back into my place made me want to move back into MY place

Concentrate on what makes me ME. I do regenerative cartilage.

I’m not going forward with the project.  You should totally run with it”

Her statement strongly implies  that as expected, she has been doing soul-searching, but what we don't get is why she chose to discontinue the project.

Derek said it was Callie’s project and patient and that he doesn’t have time to go on with it and Callie replies,

“Maybe we should just drop it. No harm done,right?”

We were curious to see Callie this way, why she was bailing on a huge project that she in fact started,  but it’s not a time to be judgmental of Callie. She’s going through  a process. It' not our place to question her decisions.

Arizona, Alex and the “Visiting surgeon”

Then comes that scene where we see a disappointed Leah who couldn’t scrub in on Arizona’s teratoma surgery because Emma  would be observing. 

Couldn’t help but chuckle at the ribbing Arizona got from Alex:

Alex: A visiting surgeon?

Arizona: Yeah

Alex: And she’s hot. I’m just saying that it’s good I’ll be there to chaperone.

 (when Az reacts) We’re not joking about this yet?

Obviously, Alex and Arizona have, over time, developed a close friendship. Alex liberally used this license to  tease her  in reference to what happened with  Lauren (who was also a visiting surgeon) and that  'visiting surgeon Emma' might be another potential love interest for Arizona. 

Alex's teasing, even if it does make me laugh, seems like it supports how they are laying the groundwork in presenting Arizona's character.

I suspect  this is establishing Arizona as having that kind of reputation, supplemental to her having been portrayed as a player in Season 8 ("The Lion Sleeps Tonight") 

And guess what? Arizona found it funny (and true) too as she smiled and let Alex get away with his teasing.

Callie  Reinventing herself

Back to Callie, having a conversation with Mer, who tries to decide which project to choose for research funding, Callie encourages Mer to go on with her mother’s research.

“Invest in your brand.”  "Like me, I’m  reinvesting in myself"

Here, we discover Callie’s current mindset . She’s grappling with how  to take over her own life. She’s made her first step in owning this need to get herself back, and this is how she initially rolls.

What she said though,  Mer didn’t seem interested to follow through.

Advice from Alex in the O.R.

It’s interesting how Arizona is obviously bothered about how Leah has been acting all too clingy. 

Too bothered in fact, that she asks  Alex right in the middle of surgery,

Arizona   : What’s your strategy when you have a one night stand, not even, you just make out
                  with them and they get way too attached?

Alex         : You know who’s like that? Leah Murphy

Arizona   : Really?

Alex         : I slept w/ her once, maybe two times , she stuck to me like glue. That girl goes from
                   zero to I love you in 7 seconds.

Taken aback with this 'attachment Leah' tip from Alex, and seeing her reaction, let’s see what Arizona does later on.

Derek , Callie, and the Truth

We next see Derek trying to  convince Callie to talk to Mickey to allow them to take out the ineffective brain sensors due to the newly discovered tumor in Mickey's brain without taking out the tumor because of the risks involved.  

Callie was reluctant, almost apathetic, so Derek was not shy to spew out his thoughts:

Derek :You don’t wanna talk to him cause you don’t want to  look him in the eye and  tell him you're bailing on this, and you certainly don’t want to  tell him why you're bailing

Obviously ticked-off Callie counters, "Why is that?'"

Derek: "You  started this project for Arizona. When you lost interest in her, you 

              lost interest in this. You're letting your personal problems in the way of

              months of research

Callie:   You’re doing the same thing You said you’re done with the study to  

              spend time with your kids.

Derek:  That’s completely different

Callie : Oh why is it different, Derek? 'Cause your family’s perfect and mine’s a

             disaster? 'Cause you're leaving the study to support your wife and I'm 

             doing mine to forget her?

Derek:  I know what you're going through

Callie:  You don’t know anything about it. "

'

My heart on the floor was ripping apart with every sentence of Callie's pain.

"You guys have figured it out, how to make the pieces fit, and I thought we did too, but I’m figuring this out for myself too so just bear with me, okay?

I will talk to Mickey."

Callie moved me to tears here. She was a mess.  It was the voice of a broken human being, wondering where all the pieces fit.

Theirs was a perfect, stable relationship. She did not have an inkling this could happen to them. And this unexpected blow to their marriage  is now manifesting its emotional effect on Callie.

She is in her healing process as she said to Mer, ("reinventing myself"); and to Derek, ("moving back to  MY place" , "Concentrating on what makes me ME"),   but evidently, she was in pain.

The perfectness of Derek’s situation all the more gave her the chance to compare, (really not advisable at a time like this) how wretched theirs had become, while Derek’s family has it all figured out.

Callie realized just in time, she didn't have to take it out on Derek. There was truth to what Derek said. Broken as she was, she resolved to figure it out, and saw the logic of talking to Mickey.

Callie talks to Mickey

When Callie warned  Mickey of the hazards of this potentially fatal operation, the explanatory part comes, when Mickey tells Callie how he became a quadriplegic.

He caused a car accident because he was drunk, and  it claimed the lives of two teenage girls. He had so much guilt, he felt unworthy of being taken care of by people and feels he deserved to have died for causing it. 

Every single day for 9 yrs since the accident, he felt guilt and found a good opportunity to redeem himself when Callie asked him to participate in this project.

Mickey: “When I had the chance to do something affecting me  in a good way, for the first time, I thought I was worth having around. If I die, give my brain to science and I’ll still help. Let me help."

Callie started this project for Arizona and lost interest in it. Back then, that was her only goal. To help her wife who had just recently lost her leg, to make it easier for her wife to be mobile.

That goal died with Arizona's departure from her life. Callie had seen no sense to go on with it . Her only purpose for the project is one person—her wife.

Talking to Mickey gave Callie a sense of purpose for this project, and essentially, it gives her a chance to apply this sense of purpose in her life.

That this project is not just for a selfish pursuit, but one that can save lives and ease the conditions of so many.

As with every Greys ep,  that talk with Mickey struck a chord within her. The potential of this project can affect the lives of many people.

Parallel to her life, she may have spent her life since she got married, all for her wife. Dedicated to her, but now, with Mickey’s story, she changed her mind about boxing herself in, including her capabilities. 

Callie is an amazing surgeon and this turn of events involving Mickey, may just be what has sparked in her to see the the bigger purpose of her profession. 

That she will share her capability for the good of many and not give in to selfishness just because she was focused on her problems.

How this one man, who was in a very helpless immobile condition, still wanted to help in any and all the ways that he could, because  of his extreme guilt.

That was enough for Callie. She was capable and talented enough. The  Superstar with a Scalpel had more to give. Just because her life was a mess and she is broken, doesn’t mean she’ll underperform and not use her talents to the limit.

Talking with Mickey and seeing Mickey’s way of viewing life gave Callie enough insight to move on with grace. To aim to still be productive and still achieve greater heights in her career. Even if shattered inside.

The irony is, instead of Callie convincing Mickey, Mickey Convinced Callie. 

So Callie talks Derek into the surgery.

Derek: “I still think it’s a bad idea.”

Callie: “Mickey has got nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

So Derek acceded to do it that night.

May I just say, I need to say this now, that with every shot I took of Callie/Sara, I couldn't help but notice that she really looks especially even more stunning in this episode. There's a certain glow about her. She gets more beautiful by the day.

Back to the review.

Arizona gets frank with Leah

Leah let slip that it was Arizona that she kissed. Maybe she was just too thrilled about it, she wanted to brag and shout it to the world, and hey, Arizona overheard her and summoned her and we know the rest. 

Oh okay, let me quote them anyway verbatim:

Leah      :I’m sorry they pretty much figured it out.

Arizona : Im sorry  but I’m about to be very frank.

                The other night was a bad call on my part. I was lonely and it was 

                lovely but it was one night and that’s all it will ever be. So if u have

                different expectations pls adjust them

Leah:     Of course, there’s no need to apologize it’s my fault. I don’t open up

                to people much and when I try to open up a little bit, I can get carried away,it's
                happened before

                And you, I just always admired you as a surgeon and as a person and I thought you

                thought about me. I misunderstood, I went overboard and I'm sorry it wont happen

                again.

Arizona:  Leah...

Leah:     Thanks for understanding

Leah extended her hand to seal it with a shake,  Arizona did not and had an ounce of guilt/pity in her eyes for Leah, who went straight to the bathroom.

That scene was from the sneak peek and I don’t know why I cried when I first saw it. 

Maybe Mainly because 

number 1, Arizona felt sorry for Leah, and didn’t just brush off her reaction. She cared enough to be concerned about this reaction of Leah’s. You could see it in Arizona's eyes and face, how she felt guilty and did not want to hurt Leah.

Number 2, I won't lie, I don’t know why I myself felt sorry for Leah. I guess somehow, we all know how it feels to be rejected.  Being a Calzona shipper runs through my veins, but I was human enough for one second, to understand Leah in that scene. But that one second is up.

I cannot guarantee though if I can understand her in future scenes, because still, she is the person who comes in between my Calzona's relationship and that can never be okay with me.

Sure, Leah's vulnerable, willing to jump into any kind of relationship, and she's been called a stalker, is clingy, too attached. She has her own sob  story too, for sure, but that's not our concern right now. 

All I want to say is, she's better off with another partner, please, not Arizona. Arizona is supposed to be focused on mending ties with Callie. She's supposed to be still loving to Callie, though she moved on. 

So Leah, please do not be part of this. It would be unwise. You have a bright future ahead of you, do not come between Calzona. That's a stern but gentle warning.   Stop texting Arizona and stop reading her texts. Back off, Leah.

Callie decides

Then we see Callie’s scene with Derek, where Mickey has died and which makes Callie decide.

“This way he can do the most good for the most people, he would be grateful you did exactly what you  told him to"

Then she decided  not to drop the project, and this is how she rationalizes:

“You were right, I was doing it for her. And now I'm doing it for  a million people I’ll never even meet."

Arizona's bed scene with her cellphone

Imagine Derek’s voice-over and imagine Arizona’s “bed scene” with her cellphone.

This one scene, I was definitely not ready for.  I thought the sneak peek was already enough stress. Then I see Arizona, sleepless, restless in her dark hotel room. Yes, thank goodness she lives in a hotel and not any intern's place. And reaches for her cellphone. 

Then  I can't believe what I just saw. She scrolled the message list, tapped on "Leah", which conspicuously was just below Callie's message  (Funny how the show's writers love to play with our feelings) 

 and texted, “What are you up to?”

I was hoping against hope she wouldn’t hit the 'send' button. Really hoping. But she did. Her hitting 'send" sent me to my death.

After staring at Jessica's cute thumb hitting that send button, 

The questions kept popping up in my unmapped brain:

What possessed her to even reach for her phone and text Leah?

Why was she lonely when only a few weeks have passed after she and Callie were in that therapist’s waiting room trying to fix the marriage?

Was her love for Callie this shallow? Just a few weeks of being alone and she longs to be in the arms of anyone, in this case a smitten intern?

Sorry, I love my Arizona, but these actions, even Jessica had said, are “slutty”.

We do feel so defensive of Callie, but Callie right now is going through her own process. 

As we’ve seen her last ep, she is angry at Arizona and kicked her out of the apartment. She doesn't want to have anything to do with Arizona.

As Jessica said in her interview,  the turning point for Arizona that let her  decide to move on was when Callie said to the people at the gala that she was dead. That was the time when she said her character had to decide it  was time to go on with her life.

At this point, we can conclude, as painful as it may sound, that both Callie and Arizona have moved on. This episode never even showed them together in one scene.

Both are (as we wanted them to), going through their own processes. Their own journeys. Individually.

We see them go on and struggle with their own lives:

Callie getting her life and self back, and seeing how getting herself back doesn’t mean she has to put her career in the backburner.

Arizona struggling with loneliness, and vulnerability, and her srtuggle with the PTSD that she does not know she has.

It's easy to ask. Why is she lonely? Callie can handle the loneliness, why can't she? 

Derek’s voice-over sends a very important message:

“This system of connections compels us to act, and choose and behave, sometimes seemingly against our own will. But it is not random at all. It is the map of who we are.”

Portent of what we are to discover in the coming episodes, of what caused Arizona to act this way. She has been acting weird, and this may even have been unintentional on her part. It is possible there is something pushing her to act this way. 

"We're just starting to learn the extent of the brain's connections, in how far they reach, how deep they go. But we know that every connection matters, and where one is broken, it usually means some damage has been done." 

Sigh. What happens now?

Did Shonda create a perky, sunshiny character only to ruin her reputation? 

Only to besmirch a character profile who has been a Good Man in a Storm with a strong set of principles and a good moral compass – to becoming a ....sorry to be blunt, -- slut?

It’s sad that her image is smeared as it is now, when many have looked up to Arizona.

According to Jessica, we will know in the coming episodes, why Arizona has been acting this way. We get to delve into her past, and her relationship with Callie since.

I truly hope we will see why.

It hurts to see Arizona act this way. It’s just not her. 

Many in the fandom are frustrated at how Arizona has become. A lot are disappointed. A lot are aghast.  A lot are defensive of Callie who has been always dedicated to Arizona yet gets cheated on in return, and now, THIS. 

Even if I sense the potential of this text message to slightly divide the Calzona fandom,  I hope majority still stick with Team Calzona.

This brings us back to the same question : Why did she cheat? Why does she easily hook up with women? First with Lauren, then very fresh from a broken marriage, she hooks up with Leah. Why can’t she stand to be alone? Why is she vulnerable?

I’m expecting these:  1) PTSD, 2) her own personal history which we know little of,  and 3) the issues Arizona and Callie had in their past which they never talked about , will be the reasons that we see. I'm interested to see how they will present this.

I don’t know how the writers will justify the cheating and the slutty ways. I have hope they will. I hope Arizona’s character will be redeemed in the end. The writers have a lot of explaining to do, if they decide to uphold Arizona's integrity.

Callie, I hope she finds her way. Little by little. She’s newly recharged, impassioned about her work and its purpose, may it lead to more success (though we know that in Ep. 9 ,she’ll be sued for malpractice).

For now, I’ll just strengthen my resolve to keep the faith.

A lot of questions need to be answered. A lot of pain to be ready for.

A long journey apart for our Calzona .

As I said, I believe this is a transitional episode after the highly emotional five episodes we’ve had so far.

Episode 10x06 laid the foundation for more intriguing and exciting things to come for Calzona.

I'm picking up my heart from the floor now. I need to prepare it for more Calzona challenges ahead. Let’s hold tight and hope we survive.

Whatever happens, I keep the faith. 

Team Calzona forever.

Twitter: @GAFan8

You Can Say 'No'

Yes you can say no. You can say no when you’ve said yes all your life.

You deserve to live your life. Live for yourself.

You only have one life. You can do whatever it is you want for yourself.

There is nothing wrong with living first for yourself.
For only when you are whole within yourself, and love yourself, can you fully love another. 

Calzona Review 10x05   “I Bet It Stung”

Yes, Jessica Capshaw.  We breathed while watching this episode, and we tweeted like crazy after watching, and even while watching.

This is what we could call a breakthrough episode for Calzona for Season 10. It  marks major changes, major realizations, and major movements for Calzona.

Reminds me of the “big shift”  Jessica tweeted about a while back.

Seeing that the episode begins with Callie and ends with Callie, it has a lot to do with Callie’s  journey this season, and with new prospects for Arizona’s next steps. 

Callie wakes up to a new morning, with mommy and domestic duties, and we see how a typical day at Merder’s goes. 

Surprises

Funniest and surprising scene #1 of the epi goes to Callie giving Meredith an accidental smack on the lips, owing to their daily morning routine. “Maybe we’re too good at this.”  HAHAHA, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Yay!  for Callie and Mer for pulling off this deadpan comic scene with flying colors.

Surprise #2,  

Not only  Arizona is surprised, WE are even more surprised  when “adorable” intern Leah Murphy chanced upon the chatting new buddies Apzona, and brought  Arizona coffee, to get her ready for her surgery with Derek! 

I was not breathing when she handed the coffee over to Arizona and had that ear-to-ear smile we usually see on cartoon characters.

What was going on? I didn't have anybody to ask, I was watching alone and I was in panic, so of course, I had no choice but to tweet my feelings away.

SO! The hanging question from last episode was answered!  Leah DID begin to develop a liking for Arizona. We did have reason to be suspicious, that strange look was not for nothing. Before we hyperventilate, we have to investigate what this is all about…

Both Arizona and April were puzzled why Leah did such a thing. They were so drunk that night, it was all a blur to them. 

Az: What did i do?

April: Something nice, apparently. I didn't get a coffee.

Az: No, no, i think i actually did something really really bad. I think I brought her back to my apartment the night of the gala.

Arizona had a vague memory of Leah in her kitchen. And then we learn snippets of the whole story later on—how they had that dance party, the grilled cheese sandwiches, how Arizona said she was pretty……ugh! need I go on? It’s painful enough to type this so I must quit this right here.//

Hey, these are all Calzona – trademark activities! Why do we hear them do the same things? Every  Calzona fan has this one thought: Only Callie and Arizona have  the EXCLUSIVE RIGHTS to dance parties and sandwiches! No one can substitute any one for the other.

What the heck,  Arizona doesn’t even like sandwiches! 

Okay, enough …  Let's move on...

.

Apartment talk

Callie was obviously still angry at Arizona when Arizona gave her the mortgage slips for the apartment.. Arizona even offered to move out, and Callie dropped that painful:

"I don't wanna move in to the apartment that I shared with my cheating wife."   Whoa!

So, Callie is still angry. And doesn’t even want to move back into the apartment. No interest in being reminded of the memories that were shared in that apartment. My take on this, she wants to forget, she doesn’t want to have anything to do with Arizona, nor the memories associated with her. So she’s staying away. 

Arizona knew better than to engage Callie. Still, we see her just accepting all that Callie throws at her. Still sorryl. Still guilty. Taking the blows that she thinks she deserves.

Callie’s stages of enlightenment

We can observe that with the progression of every Callie scene, we see how her eureka moments, her epiphanies start to unravel.

First when she hungrily partakes of  Owen’s Emma-made banana bread (yes, she was too busy to have breakfast that morning).

With Owen, with whom she shares  a bond of “rebound status” she sums up her present state: that  she has a sister-wife, that  “Derek, Meredith and I are in a relationship”, funniest  line.

That when she left Arizona, she thought she could get back, dance again in her underwear, be herself, but instead “rebounded to the mcdreamies”.  

Seems she was starting to voice out her pent-up feelings. Maybe she had realized that even if things were smooth though busy at  MerDer's, this is not what she had envisioned herself to be in.

Callie’s epiphany #2  happens when  she meets donor sister of the hang glider patient (who was in remission from plastic anemia) and proactively said she wanted to be ready if ever her sister will need a kidney donor.

This woman's “what’s mine is hers” mentality struck Callie. A "spare parts sister." That her parents only had her to save her sister’s life.  And she wanted to know if she had to prepare herself for an organ donation.

This  started  to open Callie's mind about her own condition. This person, after all had an existence devoted to another human being. Her destiny was to live for her sister.

She articulated this realization in the O.R, with Owen and April, when Owen called her attention when she couldn’t say no to Mer's scheduled princess tea party, even if she had a surgery.

“Oh my God, you're right! I need to get a life. Maybe I should kick Arizona out and move back in my place”

Quick to defend Arizona was new loyal friend April, whose blooming friendship many of us in the fandom  really appreciate, who tried to dissuade Callie from kicking Arizona out: that Az needs the elevator, that it’s perfect that it's right across the hospital, and it's already retrofitted for ”handicapped access”. 

But April’s campaign was to no avail.

Take note. In that mortgage slips scene, Callie did not want to move back in and get flooded with  those memories with  Arizona.  Gradually though, with all these happening, she may have been starting to ask herself, why is she giving herself a hard time, staying with her daughter  at a friend’s place, while her cheater wife is enjoying her apartment. She had always been giving to her wife, she was not the one who cheated, why did she have to be the one out of the apartment?

Epiphany number 3 was the clincher for Callie.  In that moment when Callie was giving advice to donor younger sister, it seemed like she was talking to herself: “You don’t need to be spare parts of your sister anymore”

Donor sister: “Can I do that? Can I say No?”

Callie: Yes you can say no. It’s your life, you should ride that bike get on that cruise, get a boyfriend, dance in your underwear.  You can say no!

Donor sis: I can say no

Callie : Feels good right?

Donor sis: I can say no!

Both: You can say Noooo!   

Again, she mentions “dance in your underwear.” It signifies a very important time in her life when she danced in that basement during her early days at SGH. A time when she owned herself.

This scene was so powerful, it can empower any viewer, as it has done to this viewer right here.

It was a wonderful reckoning—and an important  moment of liberation, as conclusion to  Meredith’s narration which goes:

"What if your focus slips? what if you can't be all in'? Are you left w/ nothing at all? Maybe you just need to find a different path ..What if you can't give a hundred percent? Maybe you just have to go back to the beginning and start all over again." 

This scene with  sister donor was her personal freedom moment. They both realized how important it is to live for themselves. To put themselves first, for a change. They have offered their lives enough for the people they love, it’s about time they think of themselves for a change,

And with this liberation, decisions had to be made.

This seemed to have led  Callie to assess all that has happened since then and made a brave decision. She was not shy to point this all out to Arizona, whom she confronted at the bar, and asked her to move out.

" I need to stop taking care`of other people.I took care of you for a year. Picked you off the bathroom floor,took your abuse..You're not sick anymore. You're just someone who cheated. And..you did that to yourself, so I'm sorry I need my life back. I need ‘me’ back.”

I would be lying if I say that I did not hurt for Arizona when Callie said these honest words. I guess it is a necessary pain that we have to go through. We have to try to take the emotion out of it, because we are watching one of them take her first step to healing. 

Arizona again, accepted Callie's words. Still consistent in her remorse. 

Painful as it may sound, kicking Arizona out and telling her she’s a cheater and she’s not sick anymore, was still a part of Callie's  process of re-claiming her personal freedom and self-reaffirmation.

We will just have to focus for now, on how these things made Callie realize that it’s about time she cease  living her life being solely of service to the person she loves most.  

Ever since that 1st day of realization at Mer’s hospital room during the premiere, while holding baby Bailey. Even then, she already had that inkling about a craving for change.

She felt something had to give, something had to change but still could not quite pinpoint what that was. All she could say then was that she danced in her underwear.

Donor sister was instrumental  in making Callie realize this, and triggered her into reclaiming what was hers.. Reclaiming her apartment, reclaiming her own self, that she has so unselfishly given to her loved one, that it left her empty. 

She was too giving, that she lost herself.

I’m liking  how the writing has carefully tied all this up. Very happy. They are presenting this so far as cohesive. For we could not really fathom how Callie could possibly give all of herself during the healing period of Az ‘s leg in S9.  It was all too much for one person to bear, what with Az’s verbal abuse, and all. 

Callie was like a martyr then, and it seemed too idealistic.

Now it’s all becoming real. And with this liberation, comes the brave decision. She asked Arizona to move out, and bluntly told her how the cheating is Arizona’s  own fault. She does not have anything to do with that, neither should she feel guilty about it.

It was a new freedom  that was both necessary and long overdue.

Leah

Then we tackle the Leah part.  Leah as far as I was concerned last ep, was a non-issue. But since we are being led to backtrack peeks into what transpired during that drunken night, and Leah saying her reason  for her attraction as “finally somebody gets me,” I'm curious what this will lead to.

Grilled cheese sandwiches, the dance party reek so much of similarity to what Calzona used to enjoy during their early days. Calzona shippers feel slighted by this. Yes, we are selfish enough not to share such special moments that we deem purely exclusive to our babies.

Dance party is something special for Calzona, It was one of their most enjoyable moments. And to hear Leah speak of having similar moments  with Az, even if Az was drunk, feels like they are stealing something very precious to Calzona.  

I wonder if these are not random. Are the writers again playing with our emotions? They know we’d be hurt.  

“Lets go back to the part where you  said I was pretty”

Oh, so Arizona said this? She doesn’t remember it, she was drunk. As far as we’re concerned, it was nothing and Arizona is not the least bit interested.

“You  told me to scrub in.The night of the gala. At your house,remember?The night was so fun.Don't worry,I wont tell anyone”

In fairness to Leah, she has become a starry eyed intern beginning to have a crush on Az. Call it  infatuation, or mild adoration or hero worship or whatever. She better be careful because it wouldn’t be a wise move. 

Not just because she risks  the ire of the Calzona fandom brick battalion, but because this is a marriage newly broken, in queue at the repair shop.

Instead of being supportive of the efforts to repair the broken couple, she is letting herself go with her petty crush, for a fleeting moment of artificial love.

She’s a medical intern, she has brains and I say this in the most unbiased way,, as sage advice to Leah:  why look for a cheap thrill when you can find love or whatever elsewhere. Look for someone with more potential. 

Arizona is obviously reeling from a broken relationship, why swoop in and be contented with crumbs? Why not just be supportive to Callie and Arizona instead? 

I guess this Leah angle was a spicy twist that the Greys writers wanted us to be angry or nervous about. And guess what, it’s working.  More than anything, it has made us  angry because we are possessive of the exclusivity of our most beloved Calzona.

Rather than trying to read Leah’s psyche and trying  to control it, I would rather not. Leah will do whatever the writers will write her to do.

So let’s just ride with whatever Leah does.

What we do not want to happen is for Arizona to fall for her at this point. At their last scene at the bar, she was just not interested. 

She is vulnerable right now. Also, we don't know how the added element of PTSD works. So any extra attention, any good gesture, may just hit her fragile heart and she might get carried away, when all she is trying to do is focus on getting Callie back.

We don’t want to second guess the writers.  It's their job to make us more involved as ever. They want us to be that passionate about these characters.  The more angry we are, the more invested we are,the more emotion we have about this whole thing, the better for them.

So all we do is wait and hope and try to be strong.

Is there hope for Calzona with this new twist? Leah  having an interest in Arizona and Callie  experiencing  her own personal liberation?

These both  truly signify the big shift that Jessica tweeted about.

Callie is coming into her own. A personal homecoming. Back to the beginning because it may lead her back to the right direction. And it liberates her in a euphoric reasonable kind of way, as she lets herself loose, and dances in her underwear without a care in the world.

It's a new beginning for her. We see her in that last Callie moment. She is back in her apartment and has just tucked Sofia into bed, and begins to dance that  dance of freedom. 

Why underwear? I t was a dance of liberation. She’s doing what she wants right at that moment, for her, and only for her. This time, she puts herself first.  This is her first step to healing, and first step to wholeness.

The dance brought out Sara’s sexiness in a way that we have always dreamed of. That dance was more than we expected. So this was the very brave thing she did that she tweeted about, and we love it!

Kudos to Sara for that amazing dance in her underwear. Awesome Sara in that awesome scene.

Jessica continues to play meek and remorseful Arizona in her own charming way and is  still as fine as could be. So fine. For these two,  there’s no such word as lackadaisical or unconvincing.

For all of us viewers, they are not Sara and Jessica anymore. This S10, they are Callie and Arizona in the truest sense. Some of us cannot even distinguish the actors from the characters. That’s how amazing their acting has been especially this season.

I wonder what they did over summer hiatus, but what they're bringing to us with each episode  is nothing short of the best.

Thoughts on Calzona Future

Future of Calzona with all these, since it is a big shift, we see major changes, arising from this moment of liberating enlightenment, and I feel we will see even more.

As we have said time and again, they are on track with the healing that each has to go through.

Arizona has to heal, but does not know it yet.

Callie too, needs to heal on her own.  The cheating and all, may have happened for a reason, after all. Maybe it was bound to happen, for her to have her own reboot.

She has been exhausted, with all the changes that past year. Drained, and instead of being thanked, she was cheated on. It was too much for any person , so we understand her anger.

You do good to a person and this is what you get in return, it’s silly to vie for martyrdom.

The episode begins with Callie, and ends with Callie.  

It begins with her duty-laden, other-centered day, focused on the well being of other people, and it ends with her focusing on herself.

More than anything, it is a reawakening. Of getting herself back, whom she lost along the way.

A homecoming to the better part of her old self.  Paving the way for a new beginning.

Postscript: 

Callie

The donor sister girl donated her kidney to her sister anyway, even after she and Callie did that "You can say No" scene.  

This leads me to ask in my mind, would Callie do the same?

She has already realized she has to love herself first. She’s lost herself, she can love again when she’s whole. And can love in an even better way.

The intent was there. They both knew what should be done to uphold themselves, but in the end, I predict Callie will go the same way as donor sister.

In thought, they know what they should do. Let loose, let their hair down, live their life for themselves and not for anyone else. Not bound by any constraints.

But then in the end, they end up still being there for the people they love. Because giving and being kind to the person that they love, is even more liberating, and is a freedom in itself.

WE all are born for something. We are born to love. Born into our family. Born to be with the people we now have, to love and  take care of them Still, it's our choice.

Arizona

Arizona  after being kicked out, has been asked by Leah to stay at her place (we don’t know if Az did agree to that). I’m panicking about this. 

If ever Leah becomes a person who becomes an object of interest for Az, I truly hope it will just be for the reason of leading  Calzona to talk, have realizations, and forge a step toward  being closer and understanding each other better.

One in, Callie is on her way to healing herself.  We now wait for Arizona to begin her own healing process too.

“You can decide to live for another. You can decide to live for yourself.

It’s your choice.

It doesn’t matter what choice you make.

Should you decide to live for another, that is still YOU making that choice.

As long as YOU make that choice, you say yes, or you say no, that’s okay.

You can say no to other people, and say yes to yourself

The question is, does saying no to other people mean you say  yes to yourself?”

 Twitter: @GAFan8